— Special “Tax Procrastinators” E-dition —
Sunday, April 13, 2008
1040 Reasons to Hate the Government
“Tax Day” is
coming on Tuesday, and all over Blower Country, some ordinarily honest
over-taxed payers are still trying to manufacture a few creative deductions to
decrease their Federal Income Taxes.
“Tax Day”
should not be confused with “Tax Freedom Day.” That’s the day
each year when the average American has theoretically finished working for the
government. “Tax Freedom Day” arrived in
Kentucky on April 10. Today is “Tax
Freedom Day” in Louisiana , and
Ohio over-taxed payers
will have to wait until after “Tax Day” on april 15 for their
“Tax Freedom Day” to arrive on April 17. Ironically,
America is now
a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxes.
And what’s up with that
“Fair
Tax Plan” you don’t hear too much about from our Kneepad
Liberals in the Press? The plan sounds like such a good idea, it’s no
wonder none of our nitwits in Congress support the idea.
Hurley the Historian says on this date
in 1997, 21-year-old Tiger Woods won the prestigious Masters Tournament in
Augusta , Georgia
by a record 12 strokes. That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose
Will Rogers’ “The Income Tax has made more liars out of the
American people than golf.”
Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
reports Thursday’s editorial in the Cleveland Pain Dealer said Depraved
DemocRAT Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann must hand off sex allegations against
aide to a special counsel. In yesterday’s Blower, the entire
staff at our Westside Bureau wondered why the Fishwrap wouldn’t print a
story about that sex scandal. Then in Saturday’s Fishwrap, the lead
idiotorial (“AG
case needs a special counsel”) looked a whole lot like the Pain
Dealer’s. The world is just full of coincidences if only you look for
them.
In Washington ,
our DC Newsbreaker says both the U.S.
State Department and Israel
have blasted Jimmy Carter for planning to give aid and comfort to those
murdering terrorist bastards for Hamas in
Syria next week. No wonder our
Deranged DemocRAT former President is included in Newsmax.com’s “Deck
of Weasels,” depicting the 54 worst leaders and celebrities who
opposed America .
Whistleblower Senior National
Political Analyst Britt Humus says In Indiana
on Thursday, Bill Clinton added to the falsehoods surrounding Hillary’s
sniper-fire scenario in Bosnia ,
and Hillary called the former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief and told him to shut his
mouth when he didn’t know what he was talking about. Meanwhile, according
to Scrappleface, Obama
is Unveiling his Jobs Plan for Bitter Rural People
And didn’t you think it
interesting when Brit warbler Elton John lectured the audience at Hillary
Clinton's New York
$2.5 million dollar fund-raiser last week, telling them not to be misogynists,
people against women. He then started playing his song, "The Bitch
Is Back." Oh, the irony!
Meanwhile in Clermont County (soon to
be renamed Maupin County), with only 205 more days till the November Elections,
staffers in That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch
Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt’s office are complaining about
how Rob “Fighting Furiously for Failed Legacies” Portman is
upstaging their boss on Maupin Mania, as the Robster continues to beg his
friends at the White House to allow President Bush to make a fool out of
himself by attending Fallen Hero Matt
Maupin’s funeral circus at Great American Ballpark on April 27, where the
financial arrangements are anything but clear, and nobody is talking about what
Maupin Mania will be costing the over-taxed payers, since press reports only
say “regular ballpark staff will be working voluntarily that morning,
aided by volunteers from the public.” The Blower always said Fishwrap
reporters were too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest to publish the truth, and
you’ve just seen another example of it.
One reason Portman may be pulling out
all the stops is that recent Rasmussen Reports, saying only 11% of Ohio’s
state’s voters say they’d be more likely to support a McCain ticket
with Portman on it, 19% hold the opposite view, and the rest don’t give a
big rat’s ass.
And who as that political insider
trying to bribe Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane during
lunch at Applebee’s in Anderson
on Friday? The information he gave Kane must’ve been pretty good, since
his name didn’t show up in today’s Blower.
Our Colerain Criticizer wonders if the
trustees be adding orchids to the township logo, like they do in Delhi
Township, where they call themselves the “Floral Paradise of Ohio,”
because everybody in Colerain really believes the only thing
Matt hew and Sharyn Cones were growing in their
basement was orchids. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!
Wouldn’t it be funny if a local
so-called "non-profit," Volunteers of
America , actually had no real
volunteers? This organization houses 106 sex offenders, the largest such
housing in the entire State of Ohio .
When a homeowner calls Volunteers of
America , to take away an appliance
or other household items, the people coming into the home for the pickup are
those same sex offenders. The State of Ohio
pays Volunteers of America
$65.55 a day to house each of those sex offenders, for a total of $6,948.30 per
day. The Blower says that is not a "non-profit."
The Fishwrap reported that
Oak Hills
High School temporarily
benched ten students for drinking at parties. The Blower wonders if any of the
carousing kids had parents whose names you would know.
And is it only a coincidence that Oak
Hills is one of the Hamilton County Schools celebrating Happy Homo Day on April
25 sponsored by McDonald’s? Other high schools aggressively promoting the
homosexual agenda include Anderson ,
Cincinnati Country Day, Finneytown, Indian Hill,
Loveland , St. Xavier, Walnut Hills, Western Hills, and
Wyoming .
Bluegrass BureaucRATS
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken
CamBoo says here’s a picture for the reason all those American Airlines
planes have been grounded. These wire ties in the wheel well were and one
quarter inch apart, instead of the FAA
mandated one inch apart. The 1/4" spacing on these fabric wire ties
blew away the travel plans of a quarter of a million people. Is it because the
FAA asserted itself (after having been embarrassed that some of their
inspectors might have been on the take with the Southwest 737 debacle) and of
course Congress stepped in to do "right things?"
The CamBoozler isn’t an
engineer, nor does he play one on television, but couldn’t this
non-flight risk concern have been addressed over time? Just ask a flier who
didn't have to get screwed over by American this week. Was it politics that
inconvenienced a quarter of a million passengers these past couple of weeks?
Chairman of Common Cause of
Kentucky, a government watchdog group, got our attention with this e-mail to
all the clerks....A woman dating a son of Chief Justice Joseph E. Lambert has
been hired for a human resources job opening that was not advertised or
posted...when questioned by the clerks the director of the Administrative
Office of the Courts, said the position was created about six months ago...the
job pays $39,684.00. Maybe that’s why the clerks qualify for public
assistance, and why they only get a 1% pay raise this year, which certainly
makes them feel good after being a dedicated employee for over 25 years. Where
is John “Milk Dud” Middleton when he is needed. After all, he was
supposed to be working miracles on getting everyone more money.
Speaking of unhappy people, word is a
bunch of geezer citizens are really upset about the 33% increase in the senior
rates at Kenton
County Golf course.
When Mark Motz, that tall dude with
sun glasses and a mustache playing the claves next to the guitar player on that
award-winning Flashlight
Theatre Music Video, saw that
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane had published an ad in
Thursday’s Blower for summer interns, he sent us an e-mail, admonishing
us not to get too Clintonesque, if you know what we mean.
Yesterday’s Link of the Day (Appropriate Office Behavior)
brought this vile-and-disgusting submission (More Appropriate Office
Behavior) from one of our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers. But if
you think that’s really V&D, check out a copy of Priest Off that our
good friend Bobby Leach e-mailed us.
Goof Davis says since Congress has
still not made our tax forms easier to understand, each of his H&R Davis
offices will be open 24/7 this weekend to help his constituents do their income
taxes before Tax Day on April 15.
Finally, the Blower says any federal
tax advice contained in the foregoing is not intended or written by the
preparer of such advice to be used, and it cannot be used by the recipient, for
the purpose of avoiding penalties that may be imposed on the recipient.
This disclosure is intended to satisfy
U.S. Treasury Department
regulations.
REMEMBER: If you can't improve on the
news, you shouldn't even be reporting it.
TAX PROCRASTINATORS HOTLINE
e-mail your
deplorable deductions today.
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today's Blower
were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscriber.
Link of the Day
Turbo Tax
is So Easy
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Note: people who work in government offices should
be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not
approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed
payers’ time (except when you have something to snitch).
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Cincinnatus Standard
