~~ Although April 15 is Tax Day when your State and Federal taxes are supposed to be paid, Tax Freedom Day (when theoretically everything you’ve earned so far in 2008) won’t arrive in our state until April 17. — Ohio Over-Taxed Payers

~~ And if dumbed-down voters had been stupid enough to approve our Super-sized $900 million Feel-Good-Social Programs Jail Tax Scam that would also have included the GOP Sheriff Simon E. Leis Memorial Hoosegow, “Tax Freedom Day” in Hamilton County would be arriving sometime between Christmas and New Year’s. —Devious DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioners Odd Todd Opportune and David A. Pepper (along with disgraced former Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent)

~~ On this date in 1954, April 15 became the deadline for your Federal income tax returns. —Hurley the Historian

~~ Please thank all your Gringo friends for paying their taxes. 25 million illegal aliens are depending on them. —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose

~~ Is it only a coincidence that the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Ray roe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center chose tax day on April 15 to hold their Buy a Legislator Reception in Columbus? For those Ohioans who haven't paid their 2007 taxes, don't send the money to the State of Ohio , send it straight to the Portman’s Folly instead. —Blue Chip Young Republicans President Jeff Capell

~~ Please don’t ask us to explain our “financial arrangements” for the funeral services at Great American Ballpark. —Keith and Carolyn Maupin

~~ Speaking of funerals, how about my Reds? —Senor Bob Castellini

~~ With only 237 more days till the November Elections, both Rob “Fighting Furiously for Failed Legacies” Portman and his protégé That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt have promised us President Bush will definitely be here later this month to give the eulogy. —Maupin Maniacs

~~ Did any of the Whistleblower Summer Intern Applicants tell you how stupid I’ll look when John McCain fails to choose Portman to be his vice presidential running mate? —Foolish Fishwrapper Maya Ruin

~~ Marijuana found in the basement of the Coneses’ burned-out home was not the actually cause of the fire. —“JayWalking Joe” Deters

~~ Isn’t it odd that Depraved DemocRAT Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, who campaigned on a pledge to uphold transparency in government, is now refusing to turn over e-mail messages between him and his scheduler who visited his Dublin condo one night late last summer in her pajamas? —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders

~~ We certainly hope none of the schools originally listed as taking part in Happy Homo High School Day on April 25 sponsored by McDonald’s has decided not to participate because of all that informative public service information in The Blower? —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis

~~ Out of the 70 Oak Hills High School students arrested at the March 21 riotous booze party in Milan Indiana , more than 20 of the arrestees were over 18. Just because the Fishwrap didn’t publish their names, it doesn’t necessarily mean any of the carousing kids had parents whose names you would know. —Skaggie Maggie

~~ After working on my taxes all weekend, I now have 1040 more reasons to hate the government. —Ken CamBoo

~~ Don’t forget—staffers will be working until midnight at my H&R Doofus offices to help my constituents get their taxes done. —Goof Doofus

~~ Is the tax on booze deductible? —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith and Michael Liquid Plummer

~~ My accountant says I can deduct for my straight jacket. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters

~~ How about elevator shoes? —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele

~~ Every year on April 15, I help Will “The Thrill “Terwort work on his extension. —Phyllis on Madison

~~ Is Beano qualify as a prescription? —Clueless Marc Wilson

~~ Can inflatable sheep be considered an entertainment expense? —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams

~~ How about batteries? —Flashlight Theatre Producer Mike Sadouskas

~~ How about Clairol? —Blondie Whalen

~~ Did Sticky Fingers once again declare his embezzlement income from the Civic Club? —Vanilla Hills Vigilantes

~~ We’re not sure who said “There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year,” —Your Quote for Today Committee

~~ You’ll never guess what we claimed as deductions. —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell

~~ Is it legal for me to deduct for a free lunch whenever I try to bribe Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane so he’ll plug my book? —Rick “The Batboy” Robinson

~~ Today the Official Whistleblower Bluegrass Primary Election Countdown Calendar says there are only 35 more days until the Bluegrass primary elections. —The League of Women Vipers

~~ By now you will have probably learned that taxation “with representation” isn’t so hot

either. —The Founding Fathers

~~ When exactly are everybody’s taxes due? —TV 19 News