— Special “Ecological Warning” Issue­­ —

 

 

Monday, April 21, 2008

Happy Earth Day, Everybody

           Tuesday will be another great day for our Left-Wing Lunatics and Kneepad Liberals in the Press— because that’s when they’ll get to whine and complain and blame George Bush and the mean-spirited Republicans for everything on Earth while at the same time, not coming up with solutions for any of the problems (real or imaginary) they profess to perceive.

 

            Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose this profound pronouncement from John Davis, editor of the “Earth First! Journal: “Human beings, as a species, have no more value than slugs.” On the other hand, our good friend Bobby Leach says he likes the Kentucky Coal Miners Association’s new slogan for Earth Day: “Earth first, we’ll strip mine the rest of the planets later.”

            Hurley the Historian says Earth Day was invented by Deranged DemocRAT US Senator Gaylord Nelson from Washington and was held on April 22, 1970 as something else besides the Vietnam War for unwashed draft dodgers in college to protest.

 

            According to The Grinning Planet (Saving the Planet One Joke at a Time), on Earth Day the typical member of Congress will praise high-mileage hybrids on the Senate Floor, then buy a new SUV off the showroom floor. The typical backyard gardener will shake her head in disgust report about industrial waste and toxic chemicals; then nod her head in pride at the sight of their pesticide-sprayed flowers and fertilized lawns while the typical insect will get sleepy from a eating big meal of chemical-laced genetically engineered corn and daydream of holding the top slot in the world insect government when they finally take over.

 

            What’s the difference between a good recycler and a not-so-good-recycler? A Good Recycler not only recycles his newspapers, but also your phone books, magazines, and cardboard boxes, while a not-so-good-recycler leaves is newspapers in the bathroom stall at work after he’s done. Doesn't that count?

 

             And with only 229 more days till the November Elections, do you remember when That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt got her picture taken standing next her brand new environmentally friendly Ethanol-hybrid Chevy Tahoe? Check out the ad parodies we found. And by the way, the price of gasoline has only gone up $2-per-gallon since TLPMOT&SRB’s photo-op.  

 

            On the other hand, we have “ George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline”: Bush wants us to   cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved!

 

             Speaking of All Things Environmental, the EPA plans to charge Hillary and Obama for using up all the mud in Pennsylvania before their presidential primary on Earth Day.  Thank God, the tree hugging environmental wacko Al "Idiot-in-Chief" Gore didn't become President.

 

            Will The Blower be covering tomorrow’s Liberal Lunacy? You bet! As the official voice of the Conservative Agenda and the publication of record for all the political scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in Southwest Ohio , our readers know to expect nothing less.

 

            Will Earth Day 2008 actually accomplish anything? Surely, you jest. Since 1970, Earth Day has changed from counter-cultural protest to cute grade school celebration. Other than giving TV weather guessers something else to hype, Earth Day is to solving our environmental problems as Kwanzaa is to Christmas— a made up Liberal holiday to make some silly environ-mental people and the revolutionaries from Greenpeace feel better about themselves.

 

EARTH DAY HOT LINE

e-mail your environmental eulogies today.

 

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Link of the Day

Earth Day on the Daily Show

 

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