~~ Oh, we’re not calling it Secretary’s Day anymore. We’re supposed to say Administrative Professionals Day, so you little ladies can feel better about your hum drum jobs. Now would you mind getting us a cup of coffee? Hurley the Historian says the made up holiday was created in 1952 by a Young and Rubicam advertising executive who found a way to give his secretary something that didn’t cost money. No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Barry Goldwater’s "I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine!" Is that some Compassionate Conservatism or what!

~~ In Washington, our DC Newsbreaker says The House passed H.R. 5719, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to conform return preparer penalty standards, delay implementation of D437 withholding taxes on government contractors, enhance over-taxed payer protections, and assist low-income taxpayers. So why did all your local RINOs vote against it?

~~ In today’s Maupin Madness Update, The Yellow Ribbon Support Center has been circulating frantic e-mails for days urging people with lit candles to line the route between Lunken Airport and the Civic Center for Saturday’s Visitation of Fallen Hero Matt Maupin. Maupin County Commissioner Bob “Flag Tie” Proud expects more than million people to line the route. With only 195 more days till the November Elections, TLPMOT&SRB Mean Jean says she plans to have her flying monkeys line the route with yard signs, because the Maupins would want it that way. The Maupin County Police are still guessing Rob “Fighting Furiously for Failed Legacies” Portman’s chances of getting President Bush to fly in to deliver the eulogy are anywhere between 5 and 90 percent (yesterday it was down to 6%). And with all the media hype, we still haven’t seen a single report about how much this tasteful, dignified funeral service at Great American Ball Park is going to cost, and who’s footing the bill.

~~ Loquacious Libertarian Josh Weitzman says, according to Sherrod Brown’s newsletter, when he called on the Delta CEO to keep his promise to preserve the Cincinnati hub, our Desperate DemocRAT U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown became the second misguided Ohio politician to think that CVG is located in Ohio. Can you remember who the first one was?

~~ Now that the Ohio Highway Patrol has decided to stop motorists in our local police department jurisdictions here, all you darker readers should hope if you're pulled over, the trooper won't be Craig Franklin., with a Ku Klux Klan outfit over his uniform. Franklin is pictured here in full uniform and gun plus the Ku Klux Klan outfit he made.

~~ The sappy Sunday Fishwrap article laments that the illegal immigrants just want to come here for a "better life." Luis Pajares, 22, came illegally from Peru and married a 21 year old American and now is facing deportation. Are we to feel sorry for this couple? HELL NO! Get in line like the rest of the people who want to come here legally. A sidebar to the "influx of illegals" is the drain on The Fairfield Board of Education as it spends $500,000 a year on translators and English second language programs.

~~ Former pro basketball player Ruben Patterson is a sex offender living at 9775 Cunningham Road in Indian Hill on a five acre estate. Besides being a sex offender who kinda forgot to register with the Hamilton County sheriff, Patterson is said to be a problem resident with alleged raucous parties, loud music and cars parked on neighbors' property, as multiple pages of Indian Hill Ranger logs indicate. He's currently being sued by a neighbor for continuing to use the neighbor's driveway after being asked not to. Aren't you glad he's not your neighbor?

~~ Cincinnati Clown-cilman Chris Monzel wants to have the city's 2,379 trash cans emptied more often. Hamilton County has 11,000 families receiving housing thru Metropolitan Housing. Why not let those "grateful citizens" pay back the over-taxed payers by emptying the trash a few days each week?

~~ That FAT WHITE YOUNG MOTHER, wearing a large green shirt, let her three kids loose in Forest Hill's Kroger on Friday night. Kids were seen throwing cream cheese back into the display, and running up and down the cereal and candy row. One kid was sitting on the lunchmeat in the back of the store. When looking for salami the kid's butt was on the stack of meats. A lady told the cherub, "Please do not to sit on the food!" The mother replied, "Don't talk that way to my kid!" When told to "Teach your kid some manners!" the mother barked back, "Shut up you OLD BITCH!" The Fat White Young Mother should have thanked the over-taxed payer for providing her illegitimate kids with their dinner.

~~ One way to lower the food costs during Passover would be to eliminate the huge funds paid to rabbis running into thousand of dollars at each plant. The rabbis who "inspect" kosher food run a shake down on every food processing or manufacturing plant. A picture in a recent Fishwrap shows a rabbi inspecting kosher yogurt. The rabbis show up in dirty old wool coats, that need a good dry cleaning or replacement, with long beards that need a good scrubbing and tell a manufacturer that their businesses should be cleaner! One small KY plant pays $10,000 a year to their rabbi who is usually on vacation in Florida . The plant owner hopes the rabbi stays there.

~~ Here’s more about Adam Brown, the statutory rapist teacher from McMason. Brown not only carried on a sexual affair with a Mason underage girl (the Fishwrap article takes pains to point out the girl is 18, but how old was she really when being boinked?), he was also having an affair at the same time with a Sycamore High School underage teenaged girl.

~~ It seems like disgraceful McMason teacher Dan Little, who was caught and cited by Covington police in a Kentucky Hampton Inn hotel room sex and drugs party last July, but wasn't fired by the sex-and-drugs- proponent superintendent Kevin Bright, has a lot of family company in the McMason sex-and-drugs school district. His brother Darin Little is a McMason social studies teacher, and also his teacher sister-in-law. His mother-in-law Diane Ather is a frequent substitute teacher in the district as well. Is Grandma Little a lunch lady in McMason? Maybe Chicken Little works for McMason as well.

~~ Certain Metropolitan Sewer District (MSD) crews enjoy making unscheduled stops on residential streets to do "maintenance" work without bothering to notify residents that their basement drains will soon be spewing raw sewage from the main street sewer, as well as their sinks, bathtubs and toilets doing the same. Is anyone, anyone at all, in charge of supervising these rogue crews who seem to go anywhere and do whatever they feel like? Are these guys given any training? How about drug and alcohol tests? Not to worry. It’s only over-taxed payers’ money. folks.

~~ Finally, don’t forget, April 25 is the deadline for the Whistleblower Summer Interns Program, where applicants must also submit a 1,000-word-or-less essay on “Why it’s OK to Make Fun of Politicians.” Unemployed members of the Greater Cincinnati Society of Unprofessional Journalists need not apply.

~~ Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says somebody sent him a copy of the most recent list of people who’d passed the Bluegrass Bar Exam, and our good friend Blackjack Brian Richmond’s name was finally on it. It must’ve been a clerical error, or maybe as they say, the twelfth time’s the charm.

~~ Would it mean Kentuckians were racist if Hillary beat Obama 72%-28% in the Bluegrass Primary in only 27 more days? Goof Doofus says, “Boy, that sounds accurate to me.”

~~ When can the voters of Northern Kentucky expect the three County Judges to start endorsing people like they did for Ernest back in 2003? That way the undecided voters know who to vote against.

~~ This week the clerks of courts in NoKY received an e-mail from Chief Justice Joseph E. Lambert, telling them they will only receive a one percent raise this year. Lambert then called upon every Court of Justice employee to identify and bring to his attention means by which money can be saved in their operations. Come on, Chief, we know how money can be saved. Do NOT hire your son’s girlfriend who has a degree in religion to work in the Human Resource Dept, making $39,000 per year. Some of the folks have been on the job for 25 years, and they don’t make close to that. Then Lambert had the nerve to say, “While the salary improvement set forth in this plan is not what I had hoped for, I trust it will ease some of your financial burden.” Yeah, right. Local clerks’ employees hope he sleeps well at night, even if they can’t.

~~ A Boone County Democrat who is upset because he has no say who his State Senator will be, wants to know if that guy running for Dick Row-ding’s seat has quit his Federal job so he could run for this job?

~~ Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen says on the Freedom web page they actually have a gizmo that shows the days, hours, minutes, and seconds till opening day on May 21.

~~ Has anyone informed the landowners in Boone County who agreed to allow Judge Moore-or- Less to put trails through their property know their property is now worth 33% less?

~~ Ken CamBoo said he can’t wait until the primary election is over. He said Senator Row-ding came to his door the other day and asked him who he was. Ken said you are Senator Row-ding and then he asked me to vote for that guy he is supporting but keeps forgetting his name. Ken said he told him he could go home kick his feet back because the election was over.

~~ Finally, We’ve heard some complaints about the White Castle for their NON SUPPORT of the firefighters early Sunday morning at a house fire at Limaburg Road and Route 18. A firefighter member went up to the store to get food and coffee for the firefighters. The clerk tried to charge him $60. What a DISGRACE! But you can bet if there had been a Channel 9 news crew there, they would have been bringing down the food to the firefighters. Thanks for your Support, White Castle . It will not be forgotten.