~~ Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1841 President William Henry Harrison, whose memorial is located in North Bend, died of pneumonia after only one month in office and in 1968 Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated. Which story do you think our Kneepad Liberals in the press are most likely to mention today?

~~ Did Cincinnati ’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mallory "forget" to invite Covington Mayor Callery to the Banks groundbreaking? Their names even rhyme so Dainty’s stupid staff should’ve had no problem with the invite. Although Callery is also a DemocRAT, he probably wouldn’t have fit in the picture with the four other publicity hogs anyway. Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose John Quinton’s, “Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.” So much for regional cooperation!

~~ And as bad as Edwin Encarnacion’s wild throw home allowing the go-ahead run to score was in Wednesday’s Reds game, it wasn’t even half as wild as Dainty’s Opening Day pitch last year. And before Encarnacion’s game-winning home run in the 9th Inning, the look on new Reds manager Dusty Baker’s face said it all: “Why, oh why, oh why-o, did I ever come to Ohio ?”

~~ Mallory Molesters came up with this photo of the old Mallory homestead on Dayton Street, but they couldn’t think of a good caption. Got any suggestions?

~~ With only 214 more days till the November Elections, incoming Hamilton County GOP Party Boss Alex Triantafilou (pronounced Alex) e-mailed a Call to Action to local Party members. How refreshing, chairman of the local GOP actually wants people to work on campaigns, and is taking the time to ask them personally.

~~ Our Clermont Crusader says with all that tasteful Matt Maupin coverage, it’s a wonder none of our Kneepad Liberals in the Press have mentioned who gets the fallen hero’s survivor benefits and how much they are.

~~ The first thing Rob “Furiously Fighting for Failed Legacies” Portman does every day is call his Puppet Pundit Bob Novak to see if he’s on McCain’s latest VP list.

~~ The newest group of Citizens on Patrol began its work in the Hyde Park community. Me, Greg Hartmann says he remembers when Hyde Park used to be such a nice neighborhood.

~~ After reading about how Congress had supposedly confronted Big Oil this week, our Peaceful Anarchist O'Hood says watching the Disingenuous DemocRATS trash those oil industry executives reminded him of the McCarthy hearings, and Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin wonders if the Wall Street Journal is now totally in the pocket of the Algore/ United Nations/ EnviroFascist forces that are working to destroy American capitalism and American freedom. “High prices may, indeed, change drivers' ways and "reduce fossil-fuel consumption" a teeny-tiny bit,” our Curmudgeon explains, “but the business about ‘help[ing] control global-warming gasses’ is, well, just hot rectal air—ask any cow.”

~~ Speaking of which, commenting on McDonald’s being a sponsor of the upcoming April 24 Happy Homo Day at such Hamilton County High Schools as Anderson, Cincinnati Country Day, Finneytown, Indian Hill, Loveland, Oak Hills, St. Xavier, Walnut Hills, Western Hills, and Wyoming, Alternative Life-styles Columnists Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say if the old McDonald's slogan was "I'm lovin' it," the NEW McDonald's slogan should be "Bend over for a Big Mac."

~~ Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says everybody in Northern Kentucky is sick and tired of seeing one-man crime wave Chris Henry always identified as a Bluegrass resident.

~~ And with news on Thursday that the Bungals had at long last waved goodbye to their slow-learning wide receiver, Whistleblower Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says Bungals owner Millionaire Mike Brown had just announced the team’s new get-tough policy: 47 arrests and you’re outta here. No kidding.

~~ And do you think TV 5 noticed the “Jack Schidtt, Esq.” t-shirt in that photo they used from the accused killer’s face book page that Russell Bramlage was wearing in the Sandra-and-Sheree report about what a nice guy the murder suspect was?

~~ Blower readers will never forget that time back in ’05 when our cute little news bunny Sheree was interviewing a 16-year-old neighbor boy of a Marine who’d been killed in Iraq and the horning young lad was wearing an oh-so-tasteful “Suck Mai Cock” t-shirt.

~~ Finally, there are 46 more days till the Bluegrass Primary Elections on May 20. This year’s campaigns are about as interesting as watching paint dry.

----- Waiting to see the Clintons ’ tax returns

----- Superdelegate Scorecard

----- Pope to visit NY synagogue

----- When is “Tax Freedom Day?”

----- Bluegrass Primary Elections on May 20

----- Opening Day in Florence on May 21

----- Today’s “Lunch with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane” Contest Winners

This week, here's how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said elected officials would show how much they really care about Fallen Hero Matt Maupin:
(A) Sponsor another meaningless resolution: 2%
(B) Stand next to the Maupins at the candlelight vigil photo op: 1%
(C) Put campaign signs along the procession route: 1%
(D) Make sure Matt Maupin’s picture is on your web page: 94%

This week, everybody who thinks Monday’s Whistleblower Annual Apology E-dition was one of the greatest April Fool’s Day jokes, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Harley Hoodwinker, who likes to watch people’s faces whenever he says, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…” Harley wins a copy of the “1,001 Best April Fool’s Day Pranks of 2008” so he can plan ahead for next year, a lifetime pass on the new Cincinnati Trolley, and Reds and Bungals playoff tickets. His winning limerick is:

There once was an Old April Fool,

Who at one time had been very cool,

Now all of his friends,

Sends him Depends,

And Kleenex to catch to catch all his drool.

There once was an old April fool

Who was elected in New York to rule.

He got caught with a ho,

Now he's guv'nor no mo,

'Cause Missus Spitzer done chopped off his tool.