~~ If Tax Day is April 15, when does Tax Freedom Day come to our area? —Tri-state Over-Taxed Payers

~~ By now you will have probably learned that taxation “with representation” isn’t so hot either. —The Founding Fathers

~~ Are my friends at the Fishwrap doing enough to tell people about all my help to the Maupin family during the past four years? —Rob “Fighting Furiously for Failed Legacies” Portman

~~ When Ohio announced it was opening a local office for Beijing , most people thought it was already at Portman’s house. —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders

~~ Please don’t tell anybody about the results of that Gallup poll asking 453 Republicans if they could “name someone that you would like to see John McCain choose as his vice-presidential running mate,” where not a single person mentioned Rob Portman . —Portman Pundit Pundit Bob Novak

~~ If the Maupin Family is looking for a Clermont County location for their small, private, and tasteful funeral for their Fallen Hero Matt , how about the Hoffman estate on Branch Hill-Guinea Road free of charge? Schmidt yard signs will be given out as party favors. All media will be welcome. —That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt

~~ Maybe they need an emcee to help warm up the crowd. —WLW Hate Radio Draft Dodger-in-Residence Bill Cunningham

~~ We’re really glad that TLPMOT&SRB is not our Congresswoman, because she'd be shamelessly exploiting the deaths of two of our firefighters, just like she does with the Maupins. — Everybody in Colerain

~~ After reading about the “sexual complicitors” at MILF-ord High school, we’re surprised the school is not taking part in Happy Homo Day on April 25 sponsored by McDonald’s, along with other Hamilton County High Schools (like Anderson, Cincinnati Country Day, Finneytown, Indian Hill, Loveland, Oak Hills, St. Xavier, Walnut Hills, Western Hills, and Wyoming). —Alternative Life-style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis

~~ We’re surprised all of the local Catholic High Schools aren’t taking part. —Reviled Flying Buttress Publisher Tomas de Torquemada

~~ When we heard about Charlton Heston, we remember when honest lobbyist Charlie Hassle was our president back before the turn of the century and Conservative Icons even came to town to speak to our group and get together with some really goofy looking Conservatives. —Blue Chip Young Republicans

~~ With only 210 more days till the November Elections, do you think we should put a little gizmo on our web page to count down the number of hours till Election Day in November? — Hamilton County GOP Party Boss Alex Triantafilou, Esq. (pronounced Alex)

~~ Wouldn’t it be funny if Tax Freedom Day arrived in Kentucky before it comes to Ohio? — Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

~~ Don’t forget— my staffers will be working late every night till April 15 at my H&R Davis offices to help my constituents get their taxes done. —Goof Doofus

~~ We’re glad the judge on the North Shore sentenced one-man-crime-wave Chris Henry to house arrest in Ohio , instead of here. —Everybody in Florence

~~ At lunch with Miss Vicki at the WOK on Friday, I begged Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane to be my date for the Florence Freedom’s Opening Day Game. —Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen

~~ With only 42 more days till the Primary Elections on May 20, we’re wondering when Will “The Thrill” Terwort will start running his TV attack ads. —Greedy TV Ad Salesmen

~~ Did anybody see where George Clooney’s football movie fumbled at the box office this past weekend? — Bluegrass Film Commission

~~ On this date in 1974, Hank Aaron of the Atlanta Braves broke Babe Ruth’s legendary record of 714 home runs, but he actually tied the Babe’s record on April 4, when he homered off Reds pitcher Jack Billingham on Opening Day. —Hurley the Historian

~~ Are the Reds mathematically eliminated yet? —TV 19 News