— Special “Sorry I Forgot Valentine’s Day” E-dition —
Friday, February 15, 2008
Pimped Out Political Progeny
~~ Chelsea Clinton won the “But She Has a Nice Personality” Contest at Scully’s Sports Bar downtown Wednesday night when only 150 people showed up to see how Bill and Hillary are pimping their daughter during Hillary’s presidential primary campaign.
~~ Meanwhile in Columbus , Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Hillary put aside her phony displeasure over that PMSNBC “pimping out” comment made about Chelsea and agreed to have that debate with Obama in Cleveland before Ohio ’s DemocRAT presidential primary.
~~ Meanwhile, Dingbat DemocRAT Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner’s Official Secretary of State Candidate Listings are full of mistakes. Stephanie Tubbs Jones is not running in the 10th Congressional District, she is actually in the 11th. Dennis Kucinich is in the 10th and running for re-election, but he isn't listed at all. The documents from the Secretary of State's office also listed Senate District 26 but they have the same Republicans, Karen Gilmore and Steve Reinhard, as the Republicans running in State Representative District 82. So, who is actually running in District 82? Who knows? When asked Dingbat said, “You don’t really care, you’re just trying to embarrass me. And most of the voters up there will figure it out. Who even knew we had 82 Representatives anyhow?”
Buckwheat Blackwell says, “This really gives you confidence on how well this overly partisan DemocRAT will run her first major statewide election.”~~ With only 19 more days till Ohio’s Congressional Primary Elections on March 4, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane wondered at yesterday’s Political Insiders Lunch why he hadn’t seen anything in the Fishwrap about That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt’s vote in Congress to stimulate the economy of Mexico by sending tax rebates to illegal immigrants.
~~ Although “TaxKiller Tom” had planned to mention the subject when he groveled before Skaggie Maggie ’s idiotorial board yesterday, Whistleblower readers know how much good that will do. “TaxKiller” foolishly ignored the Blower’s repeated warnings about getting screwed by the Fishwrap for the fifth straight time. We told you so, “TaxKiller.” We told you so. That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Bill Cosby’s “A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.”
~~ Meanwhile, our Wulsin Watcher saw some commentary by Jessica Wehrman about Ditzy DemocRAT Icky Vicky Wulsin (Millionaire-Indian Hill)’s political promise to drop her Congressional health care if she’s elected in November in last Thursday’s Dayton Daily News: “It would probably matter little to a would-be constituent without insurance…It's the political equivalent of showing a starving man a Twinkie, then throwing it in the garbage disposal before offering him a bite…It does nothing to solve the problem…And it's a waste of a perfectly delicious Twinkie.”
This is not exactly earth shattering information, but shows what a fool Icky Vicky is when it comes to health care issues.~~ And
her trip to DC with a media roundtable was a disaster when she said her son loves his liberal mother, supports homosexual marriages, and would decline health care coverage only as long as she is covered by her husband’s Cadillac coverage through UC hospital/health alliance.~~ In today’s Black History Moment, The Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Unnagraown Ray roe Museum Freedom Center now wants $1.4 million dollars, from the state appropriations, to move its front door facing the river to the back facing downtown! Uppity CEO Don Murphy is complaining no one can see the front door. Anti-taxers say it’s like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. They can redo exhibits and entrances. It just won’t matter. Nobody’s coming.
~~ Our Mellow Mt. Carmellian has just the solution for the so-called need for a new front door at Portman’s Folly: Just invite Barack Obama down here, have him stand on the north side of the building, and raise his hands toward heaven. The bricks will then miraculously re-arrange themselves and a new front door will appear, thus saving over-taxed payers $1.4 million. However, when it comes to getting more bodies through the turnstiles, they’d better give Moses a call on that one.
~~ And they’re looking for a new, safer location for the Hamilton County Fair. How about the Banks or the White Guilt Museum or the parking lot that was to hold the baseball on Broadway. It is an animal show downtown anyway. The Agricultural Society is seeking $2 million in state capital funds for the buildings and a grandstand for an event that lasts 10 days and only had 12,000 people attend last year! Bring in the pie bakers, the quilt makers, and the five-legged goats, because we have room in downtown Cincinnati for all of them.
~~ The Hamilton County RINO Party sent out an e-mail promoting its endorsed 30th District State-Rep-tile candidate Bob Mecklenborg’s announcement that he’d introduced legislation that would make English Ohio’s official language
. A Borg fan wrote: “While Colerain Township's state rep-tile, Loser Blessing, was sleepwalking through another day in the Ohio legislature, Green Township's own State Rep Bob Mecklenborg introduced one of the most common-sense pieces of legislation ever. How about we finally make English the official language of Ohio , and maybe we won't have to ‘Press One’ for it all the freaking time!”~~ Adopting a more cynical view, our Borg Basher says, “Well hoorah, if he can get the bill passed. But what some voters do not know, is that this bill is just a retread of an almost identical bill introduced by fellow Republican Courtney Combs last year, which never saw the light of day. It's particularly pathetic, when an appointed politician, peddles patched up policy (as his own), in a push, to pander to primary voters immediately prior to a primary
election. Nobody likes to get played by pettifoggers and party putzes, trying to shovel pungent poop down our throats. Fortunately the polite people of the Westside are perceptive enough to recognize the putrescence, and have proclaimed the Borg's policy ploy, a problematic pile of poo. The purported producer of this pile of poo, has again proven he is the pawn of party proprietors, and that his pandering will know no bounds, as long as he can get elected. Makes me want to puke! Tired of pressing ONE for English? Hell yes! Pissed at Pandering Politicians? Damn straight! I say, ‘ADIOS’ to the all of 'em.”~~ We wonder if
Temporary Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent will be in for such a rough time when he tries to defend his abandonment of Republican principles at the upcoming Blue Chip Young Republicans meeting on February 25.~~ Meanwhile, on the East Side in that 34th House District State Rep-tile race, Sidney Spellchecker says everybody’s talking about “TaxKiller’s” pussy opponent in the 2004 GOP Primary who just sent out a slick direct mail piece that misspelled the name of one of the big shots he claims is endorsing him.
~~ Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1903 the first Teddy Bear was introduced, without which
the economy of the entire State of Vermont would in shambles.
Bluegrass Bad Mouthing
~~ Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo got some outraged responses after Wednesday’s comments about Covington Fire Chief Buddy Wheatley’s automobile accident:
You are disgusting. Every single person that contributed to the story about the Covington Fire Chief should be embarrassed to work there. We are all happy that he is OK after having an accident like that; I know that is your TOP priority as it is everyone else's. The very idea that he left the scene of the accident and removed his license plates. If you had your facts straight, you would know that he was CUT OUT of the vehicle after being unconscious from the impact of the accident.
I used to read the Whistleblower because it was funny, but this is an absolute embarrassment that someone from this community would say such things about someone who is so highly regarded and respected in this community and has done a wonderful job at the Covington Fire Department. You should be ashamed of yourself for even publishing the things that you did. No accident is ever “funny” and if you were a decent person you would never refer to any situation that could have been life threatening as “funny” again. Poor choice of language!
I will never read your publication again and will encourage everyone else I know to do the same.
~~ We agree with one thing. Wally Wordsmith says we shouldn’t have said “Wouldn’t it be funny if…” We might have used another word like “odd,” or “strange,” or even “curious.”
~~ That being said, Covington City Hall sources predict a nomination to the MADD Mothers Drinking & Driving Hall of Fame on behalf of the Covington Fire Department. Past fire chief Joe Herringhaus was the subject of a television news expose for his regular group
-drinking binges with fellow firemen at the Crestview Hills TGIF and then driving home in his city owned vehicle a few years ago. Then we had the drunken Covington fireman who missed his exit on the way home and drove 40 miles east on the AA Highway before crashing into and killing another motorist. Now we have the current fire chief flipping his city owned vehicle in a Boone County farmer's field after an alleged drinking spree. Meanwhile, overpaid City Mangler Jay Faucet vouches for the guy, “I have never seen the fire chief driving while he was drunk.”~~ Finally, the CamBoozler says, “Now that the writers strike is over, maybe we won’t have so much trouble finding the right words.
Stories We're Working On
----- Mallory’s endorsement to decide 2008 presidential election
----- Judge Nadine’s courtroom center of sex ring
----- MILF shortage in MILF-ord leads to teenage homosexuality
----- Presidents’ Day Matt ress Sale on February 18
----- Backstabbing Politicians Day on March 15
----- St. Patrick’s Day carousing on March 17
----- BB& BJ Day on March 20
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here's how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they wanted to spend Valentine's Day:
(A) A romantic dinner: 8%
(B) Remembering better days: 2%
(C) Surfing the net for old girlfriends: 21%
(D) Having hot sex: 69% (no kidding)
Procrastinator Punished
This week, everybody who thinks Valentine's Day should be a national holiday e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
Our winner is well-known postponer Danny Dawdler, who says, "Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till next week."
Danny wins an autographed copy of Lothario Leach's new book, "Dating Tips for Horny Guys," a Whitman's Sampler with all the chocolate-covered cherries already eaten, a copy of the Blower's Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't Say Out Loud When They're Shopping for a Valentine's Day Gift at Victoria's Secret, and
a gift basket of dildos and such from Pure Romance, just like the ones Joe “The Girls All Love Me” Braun arranged for his Strauss & Troy partners to give their spouses and girl friends. His winning entry is:If you forgot St.
Valentine's Day,When you do, there's not much you can say;
To get out of trouble,
It might cost you double,
For forgiveness, there's a higher price to pay.
If you forgot St.
Valentine's Day,No matter what you might say
You might beg, you might plea
But she'll make you see
It’ll be August until you get laid.
If you forgot St.
Valentine's Day,There is nothing good you can say,
Forgive you she will not,
For the roses you "forgot",
And for the rest of your life, you
will pay!If you forgot St.
Valentine’s DayDon’t expect a roll in the hay
Take my advice
And just pay the price
It’ll take diamonds to make it OK.
If you forgot St.
Valentine’s DayIt matters not a bit what you say
Get an expensive present
That she won't resent
You know how that game is played.
If you forgot St.
Valentine's DayDon't expect a nice roll in the hay.
She might even fake
A permanent headache
Which will bother you only if you are gay
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked and now has something to tell the padre at this week’s confession):
If you forgot St.
Valentine's DayBut still hope for a roll in the hay
Don't hold your breath,
She'll snub you to death,
You'll score when Hell freezes away.
The first line of next week's limerick is:
"The best part about Dead Presidents' Day.
PROCRASTINATOR OF THE YEAR
HOT LINEE-mail your entries tomorrow or the next day
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today's Blower
were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers
To be considered for an e-mail subscription to The Whistleblower Newswire, persons of consequence anywhere in the world may apply by e-mailing requests to
whistleblower@cinci.rr.com.
Links of the Day
Conservative Pundits against McCain “Don’t Tax Me, Bro!” Stickers now available Originals in 2007
You can still be offended by The Blower on the Internet at
The Cincinnatus Standard