—Special “Groundhog Day E-dition —

According to folklore and an almost endless amount of media hype, if celebrity groundhog Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow today, there'll be six more weeks of winter. Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1887, the first Groundhog Day featured a rodent meteorologist at Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.

But each year at this time, the Greedy Weasels at Clear Channel (formerly Jake-Whore) also beg The Blower not to remind people about that fateful day in 1995 when helicopter traffic reporter John Phillips got arrested and was later convicted for strafing groundhogs from his helicopter at the Blue Ash Airport or that time at Phillips' court appearance when he broke down and bemoaned "Guns don't kill groundhogs, people do." The Greedy Weasels are still trying to identify that guy from WGRR Radio who dressed up in a groundhog costume we all saw on TV waving through the glass on the courtroom door.

The Greedy Weasels would also not like us to remind you about their hypocrisy, citing that time Punxsutawney Phillips slammed Bill Clinton for his moral failings in one breath, then advertised Bristol's strip joint in the next. Finally, this year Phillips is no longer with the station after his contract was not renewed.

Friends of Phil now demand that Groundhog Day be declared a national holiday. They think everybody should get the day off with pay and Eastern Avenue be renamed the Punxsutawney Phil Highway .

Friends of Phil is not associated with that fan club for Cincinnati Police Officer Phil [aka Philicia] Barnes who sued the bejesus out of the City after he/she was demoted from sergeant for not exhibiting command presence by sporting mascara and lipstick, long painted fingernails, permanently arched eyebrows, and 38-DD breast implants. That Friends of Phil group meets secretly in the special restroom at District Two.

Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and fellow gourmand Clueless Marc Wilson always get together for lunch at Beaver’s on Groundhog Day to enjoy some of world-famous delicious Groundhog Stew. Clueless asks, “Where’s the Beaver?” but Kane says, “That’s good groundhog.”

And from ESPN, we have a souvenir photograph of Chad the Groundhog at the Super Bowl.

~~ That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Kinky Friedman’s “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”

~~ But how about this for a real story? Each member of Congress gets to invite one guest into the House of Representatives for the State of the Union Speech. So who do think “The Bitch” invited? Word is it was Devious DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner David A. Pepper. He even bragged that he’d flown to Washington on the P&G private jet and sat 20 feet away from First Lady Laura Bush. Was this Mean Jean’s way to cozy up to Pepper and avoid having him taking her on in two years?

~~ Also Kathy King, that dingbat running against Pat DeWhine in the Republican Primary, called Odd Todd Opportune’s office looking for his endorsement. WTF? A Republican candidate is asking a DemocRAT for his endorsement and a Republican Congresswoman invited a Devious DemocRAT Jail Tax Scammer to the State of the Union speech? Are all Republican women candidates NUTS?

~~ Meanwhile, our OH-02 DemocRAT says the Party establishment is all a-twitter after Bill Joiner sent out an e-mail whining about a copy of a mailing Republican-turned-DemocRAT Steve Black sent out attacking our Ditzy DemocRAT Icky Vicky Wulsin (Millionaire-Indian Hill) with “obvious lies and distortions.”

~~ Memo to our OH-O2 DemocRAT: The Whistleblower Playbook says if the lies and distortions aren’t obvious, they aren’t any good.

~~ Whistleblower Senior National Political Analyst Britt Humus says it’s a real food fight for the 2008 Presidential Primary candidates this weekend: Bill Clinton shouts back at a heckler. Hillary joins the Deck of Weasels. Obama is the Left’s best choice. Huckabee blasts Romney (claims he found Conservative Puberty at 60). And for many Conservatives, McCain was far from their first choice, but they’ll will take him over Romney because they spent 2004 trying to make sure a wealthy flip-flopper from Massachusetts didn't get elected President and they’re not about to support another one in 2008.

~~ In Washington, our DC Newbreaker says according to the Dissociated Press, Dishonest DemocRAT Congressman “Bagdad Jim” McDermott has paid more than $64,000 in damages to House Republican leader John Boehner — the first payment in a decade-long dispute about an illegally taped telephone call involving Boehner and other GOP leaders. The payment, which includes $50,000 in court-ordered punitive damages, $10,000 in statutory damages and $4,169 in interest, is the first of what could be more than more than $850,000 in fines and fees owed by McDermott.

~~ Now here’s the only kind of story our deadhead in the press seem able to report: Ohio First District Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead has posted more than $1 million in the bank compared with $418,662 for DemocRAT challenger Steve Driehaus, a state representative, the fund-raising totals for 2007 showed. Whoop-de-do!

~~ In Columbus , Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says according to the Tribune Chronicle, Devious DemocrAT Attorney General Marc Dann used $10,525 in campaign money to pay for a security system at his home. At least he didn’t use over-taxed payers’ money.

~~ Speaking of public service (the kind mentioned in Huggable Howard’s whitewash of the Mendacious Mallory Family), along with our Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory’s $120,000 stipend, Judge William Mallory, Jr.’s annual salary of $121,350, and Municipal Court Judge D wayne Mallory’s over $111,000 per year, we now have Dale for Sale Mallory’s $60,528 ill gotten gains for whatever it is he does at the Ohio State House. We’re over $400,000 per year, folks! Your “Public Service” dollars at work!

~~ Now here’s another bit of snitchery from our correspondent in Dogtown: State legislator Eric Kearney never pays for his parking in the 400 block of Walnut Street in downtown Cincinnati . Instead, he just puts one of his business cards on the dashboard; seems to make him "ticket-proof" no matter how long his vehicle is parked at one of the metered spots. Funny, the Parking Enforcement crew has been witnessed citing vehicles from the Post Office, UPS, Fed Ex, window-washing companies, etc. Nice perk, wonder if all federal, state and local government employees can get this great fringe benefit as well?

~~ Our Clermont Correspondent says more and more supporters of ethically challenged Clermont County Commissioner Mary Walker are running, not walking, away from her primary campaign to seek re-election next November as a Republican (she failed the receive the Party's endorsement because of her ethical lapses). Her most loyal supporter and "Butt Monkey" is Judy Kocica, Clerk of the Clermont County Board of Commissioners. Miss Judy is often seen coming to work very late and leaving very early. Apparently, it pays to have an unethical Commissioner in your corner. One more fine mess Archie "Bunker" Wilson will have to clean-up after he's elected Commissioner next November.

~~ Talking about Ed Humphrey’s being so desperate, did you see the story in the Fishwrap the other week about how he got hurt while skiing at Perfect North? He actually got two headlines out of it: January 16 -- Humphrey injured in ski accident and January 20 -- Miami Twp. trustee recovering after skiing accident sends him to hospital. Of course, both articles made sure to mention that he was a candidate running for commissioner. And you thought Hillary Clinton would do anything for a headline. Ed’s got one heck of a innovating campaign manager, wouldn’t you say.

~~ Wednesday the Loveland Republican Club held a meet and greet for candidates running for office including Clermont County Commissioner. Ethics Dodgerette Mary Walker did not appear, however, Good Old Boy Archie “Bunker” Wilson sure did. One person said our self-made millionaire’s presentation reminded him of an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies. Archie says he’s downplaying his education advantages to fit in better with the other citizens of Clermont County . Archie Wilson is also known for engaging in such antics as appearing in public with props like an old brown sack with a family Bible, pictures of his ancestors and a readin’ writin’ and ‘rithmetic manuals from the 1800s.

~~ Failed Cincinnati Public $chools Bored Vice-president Chris Nelms did not quit his job as athletic director at Hughes We Be High School just because he stole thousands of dollars in gate receipts from games. He did not even suspect that prosecution could be imminent! And that's who our edjumacated voters elected. The state of Ohio needs to come in and take over this mess. If you vote for this levy, you deserve all this!

~~ Finally, after reading our story about the noisy Groesbeck Library, one of our long time readers says he stopped visiting the Main Public Library and complained about it to administration a while back because it was impossible to use the narrow skywalk between the north and south buildings during weekday afternoons because of abusive kids loitering in the newspaper/ periodicals area. Not only were they unruly, but they used the opportunity of regular customers “running the gauntlet” between buildings to hurl racist insults at them. One person I talked to thought it wouldn't be correct to deny these pre-thugs their God-given RIGHT to use of that public space. What a nice thing it was to see rude behavior, subsidized by the over-taxed taxpaying public. If ever there's another library tax levy, be sure to check out the skywalk first to see if they deserve any more of money. Happy Black History Month, everybody!

~~ Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken Camboo said the boys down at the NoKY Chamber of Commerce along with the three “Conservative” Judge Executives from Northern Kentucky must feel like that young man Mrs. Robinson is fooling around with is going to feel like when she gets caught. The boys spent all their political capital to get a Dubious DemocRAT elected because they felt the gazillions of dollars Ernest got for them was not enough. Now it seems like the only money coming to Northern Kentucky will be that $600,000 going to the Veterans Cemetery in Grant County that has a DemocRAT Judge Defective.

~~ Word has it that the Grant County Judge said he sure is glad he got them fools at the Chamber to endorse his effort to get the new dam at Lake Williamstown because now that all the money is going to counties with Democrat Judges, he is sitting pretty well. The Chamber should be getting a thank you note any day now.

~~ Rumor has it that Denny “No more Bull” Bowman has resigned his position as director to run against Butch Callery for mayor. Another former director Mildred “Best Cook at City Hall” Rains has also vowed to beat Steve “Mini Me” Megerle once and for all! As residents of Covington they, unlike the City Mangler (a resident of Ft. Thomas ), are sick of paying for building permits. It has been said they both will have the support of many local contractors and the elderly. Contractors are sick of inflated fees and long waits for permits. Many elderly supporters are sick of riding the bus to Buttermilk Pike to get a permit to repair their porch or put up a fence. After all, taxes paid to Covington for services not provided are pure profit.

~~ Boone County Judge Defective Gary Moore or Less reports that it is looking more and more like firing those janitors was a mistake. On Friday, school had to be delayed for an hour again and there were ranting women all over Boone County trying to call someone for help getting the kids to school. We had no one to sweep the water from in front of the school doors, so we had no choice but to delay school. Someone suggested that maybe the teachers could perform that duty, and the Judge said he would appointed a voluntary board to perform that duty for him and let them take the flack.

~~ In a related story Ken CamBoo asked if the politicians are going to appoint all these boards and authorities to do the jobs that they are afraid to do, couldn’t we just fire their asses or replace them with illegal immigrants?

~~ An over-taxed payer from Boone County reports that Defective Judge Moore or Less wants to build concrete walking paths along the creeks in Boone County . He said the Judge may want to check with Sanitation District #1 what a mistake it was for them when they ran all those sewer lines along the creeks in Northern Kentucky . In a related story, Judge Defective Drees informed the Boone County Judge that he may want to come down and take a look at Pioneer Park after a good rain. He told the Judge from Boone County , but he would have to hire those seven janitors back plus some to clean up the mess.

~~ Finally, with Mardi Gras in Mainstrasse only a few days away, Bobby Leach is out trying to corner the market on beads. Let’s hope the weather warms up a bit. We don’t want all those girls freezing their lovely breasts off.