With only 30 more days till the Ohio Primary Elections on March 4, every candidate is out there scrambling for endorsements. Meanwhile, down at the Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters, Temporary Party Boss George Vincent says there’s still time to receive his organization’s blessing, only first you must answer a few simple questions. Here’s the letter one candidate received:

Dear interested candidate:

Thank you for your interest in receiving the endorsement of the Hamilton County Republican Party. Should you receive our endorsement, you'll receive significant financial backing, the privilege of having Maggie Nafziger return your calls from time to time, and the peace of mind that comes with knowing that any other alleged Republicans challenging you will be subjected to a relentless whisper campaign.

Please answer the following questions and may the one with the highest score receive our endorsement.

1. The high school from which you were graduated...

A. contains the words "Day School" in its name

B. is named for a Saint, Archbishop, or description of the Virgin Mary

C. is named for a local neighborhood, township, city, village, or school district

D. Other- please stop. You are automatically ineligible for consideration.

2. The college from which you were graduated...

A. is located at least 100 miles north and east of here

B. has a ZIP code starting with 45

C. contains the words "community," "technical," or "institute"

D. if "other," please stop, you are automatically ineligible for consideration.

3. Your gender is best described as...

A. irrelevant because of all the money I can put into my campaign or due to my famous last name

B. Male

C. other

4. Your idea of supporting Republican candidates consists of…

A. Writing large checks to your favored candidates and gossiping about Republican primary opponents

B. Writing small checks to your favored candidates and gossiping about DemocRAT opponents

C. Putting signs out for your candidates, knocking on doors, and asking people to support your candidate, and other assorted grunt work

5. We at the Hamilton County RINO Party don't discriminate against age. However, so many people in our party have discovered plastic surgery or Botox that it's getting hard to tell who has taken how many trips around the sun. So, to help us here, please tell us which of the following is the first political event you can remember…

A. When Moderate Republican Nelson Rockefeller lost the Republican Primary to Richard Nixon in 1960

B. When Moderate Republican Nelson Rockefeller lost the Republican Primary to Richard Nixon in 1968

C. When Moderate Republican Nelson Rockefeller dropped dead after banging his secretary

6. You work...

A. Downtown and make a six-figure or more salary

B. Downtown for a Republican elected official, particularly a judge, Prosecutor, or Clerk of Courts

C. In the private sector employing others who become over-taxed payers themselves

7. When we at the Hamilton County RINO Party support yet another tax hike, you…

A. Support it enthusiastically and hurl personal insults at opponents

B. Act like you support it, but keep your opposition quiet

C. Say that you thought the Republican Party was the party of lower taxes and less government

8. Please describe your race/ethnicity…

A. White, European, Blue Blood

B. White, with a German or Greek surname

C. Partly a racial minority, but not enough that it is obvious

D. If other- please stop. You are no longer eligible for consideration.

9. Your relationship with the various "Republican Clubs" throughout Hamilton County can be described as follows:

A. I will go kiss up to the drunken college students or retired geezers if I have to

B. I joined my local club a couple years ago, figuring it would look good on my political resume

C. I've joined at least three of them and attended steak fries and Christmas parties of 4 others, just in the past six months

10. Jean Schmidt is...

A. Our endorsed Republican candidate and that's fine with me

B. Better than the DemocRAT

C. A big part of the reason the Republican Party is in the mess it is in

Scoring:

For each A, give yourself 10 points.

For each B, give yourself 3 points.*

For each C, give yourself 1 point.

* If the district of the office you seek is ENTIRELY located West of I-75, give yourself 10 points if you answered B to questions 1, 4, 6, 7, or 8.

~~ And with only 30 more days till the Ohio Congressional Primary Elections on March 4, our snitch in That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt’s office (probably not Phone Boy Nick Owens) send us this recent memo being circulated to the Schmidtheads:

~~ This week, we told our readers about perennial loser Ditzy DemocRAT Icky Vicky Wulsin's (Millionaire-Indian Hill) involvement in deadly and infectious injections into AIDS patients, just months before she became a political candidate. Is it true she was paid $10,000 per month via Johnson Investments, a "wealth management firm," for her participation in this practice?

~~ Somebody keeps sending us unflattering photographs of Icky Vicky. Do you think it could be somebody from her opponent Republican-turned-DemocRAT Steve Black’s campaign staff?

~~ Hurley the historian says on this date in 2005, Alberto Gonzales won Senate confirmation as the nation's first Hispanic attorney general despite protests over his record on torture, but he was hounded out of office in only two years with a myriad of scandals by Disingenuous DemocRATS in Congress and their willing accomplices in the liberal press.

~~ Our snitch from Delhi asks why the police haven't investigated the "Triplets of Delhi " Lasita family house fire in his township more thoroughly. The house was in foreclosure, they had huge unpaid debts, and the fire started in the garage with the cause being named as a faulty electrical connection. He says the family has pulled in over $30,000 in cash donations in the past week, with more coming in and the family is still eager to get in front of TV cameras. Our snitch is in the financial field and he says mortgage companies who foreclose always take out their own property insurance if a family doesn't have adequate coverage or lets their payment lapse. He wonders how many others are suspicious about this.

~~ And speaking of fires, Did Channel 12's Sean Ley actually say Friday evening that the fire at the St. George community center in University Heights “might be a bigger event than 9/11”? And we though the TV Weathermen exaggerated.

~~ Holy Shamrocks, Batman! St. Patrick's Day falls in Holy week this year. When will Danny Boy ask all Catholics to abstain from celebrating?

~~ Speaking of public service (the kind mentioned in Huggable Howard’s whitewash of the Mendacious Mallory Family), yesterday when we reported Dale for Sale Mallory’s $60,528 ill gotten gains for whatever it is he’s supposed to be doing at the Ohio State House, Whistleblower Investigative Reporter Fearless Ferrett got a call from our Courthouse Gadfly reminding us that a large portion of that salary, $850 and change each month is garnished to cover an ancient promissory loan note (1997) that D4S welched on. He's a bit better than half way in his payments to CadleRock, case A9706429. Once the standard deductions are subtracted from his check, in addition to the garnishment pinches, he's pretty much left with a little gas tank money and cheap, greasy burgers for lunch. This highfalutin fellow isn't so flush with cash as he was back in the day with the West End Community Council blind, making bogus deals with the Cincinnati Empowerment Corporation. The flash has gone out of the trash.

~~ Harrigan the Librarian read our diatribe about the thugs on the skywalk at the downtown library and wants us to tell our readers that the skywalk is a lot better than it used to be. In fact, the whole "thug" factor has been markedly better since the library has employed the services of a Hamilton County deputy in the building. If something really major is happening, they call the guards, and he comes. There have been a lot fewer major problems since the deputy has been there. And all anyone who is having a problem has to do is to tell someone at a desk. The deputy will come if requested.

~~ Others tell us every Hamilton County Public Library has to pay for police to park their butts when school is out. Not just the ones in the bad neighborhoods, but the good ones too because they cannot discriminate. Your over-taxed dollars at work.

~~ Regarding free parking downtown for special people, the answer is “Hell Yes there is.” All cops park their personal cars free, especially around the court house, on Broadway south of Court Street and on Eggleston Avenue south of Broadway. Firemen and secretaries that work at the fire houses park their personal cars free around the firehouse at 9th and Broadway, and Central Avenue, between 4th and 6th, around the main Fire house, is just a parking lot for them. All of this is in violation of the signing, which they ignore with impunity. This has been going on since the beginning of time, and will never change. Also, anyone who is a politician can park free anywhere, anytime, regardless of signs or parking meters. So there’s nothing really new when State legislator Eric Kearney puts one of his business cards on the dashboard to avoid paying for parking.

You know, if they just charged these special people two dollars a day, far less than the meter rate, it would earn more than a hundred thousand dollars a year for the city.

~~ Sources have been telling us many teachers, administrators and students noticed and discussed among themselves SPCA principal John Robert Carlisle's improper attraction to his female students, the overly friendly flirty behavior with them, the touching. Teachers and administrators by law are mandated to report even any suspected staff misbehavior with students. Why is it that no one at SPCA, including the current acting principal Kimberly S. Brown, ever reported his improper behavior at any time?

~~ Finally, why do we love the Clermont County Commissioners race? The mud-singling never stops. And even though our Quote for Today Committee chose George Washington’s “The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it,” the best line we got this week was from a Mr. Ed supporter, who said that Archie “Bunker” Wilson was nothing more than “Jean Schmidt with a dick.”

~~ Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the world must be coming to an end. We have a DemocRAT Governor saying he does not want to raise taxes and he wants to cut spending. At the same time, we have three Republican Judge Executives and numerous Republican State Senators and Representatives wanting to set up a Taxing Authority in Northern Kentucky to raise our taxes because they want our money. Does anyone want to bet that the Bean Bash at Turfway will be run by the DemocRATS next year? In a related story, Ken said the Blower should remind all Republicans who intend to vote DemocRAT this year the names of the Senators and Representatives who have opposition this year, in case they canceled their subscription to the Fishwrap after that pathetic story about the poor illegal immigrants last weekend and did not see the list.

~~ A loyal Governor Ernest fan from Boone County said he cannot believe what he read in the Fishwrap Saturday. To think that all these people with an interest in securing a casino license would spend Millions of Dollars to smear Ernest’s good name after he was so good to Northern Kentucky . Ernest was a religious man and felt that gambling and prostitution would not be good for our children and he realized how hard the religious people like him in our community had worked to rid this area of gambling and prostitution.

~~ We can imagine now that all the Republican Politicians from Northern Kentucky read that the election was basically stolen from them, they surely will not allow the newly elected Governor the chance to payback favors to people who smeared our good Governor Ernest. We can expect the DemocRATS to vote for the gambling and prostitution, but the Republicans have a chance to see that all that money that was spent to defeat a Republican was spent for nothing. We’re sure glad no Republicans received money from any of these outfits, and if they did try to sneak some in, we’re sure that money will be going back.

~~ It was reported on KET last week in a committee hearing on gambling that the State of New Jersey and Louisiana had been corrupted by the gambling interests and it looks like that is what they were trying to do in Kentucky. Patsy Crowley reported this corruption on KET on Friday, but he had someone else write the article in the Fishwrap Saturday. He has to be embarrassed after he spent so much time talking about how Ernest broke the law by hiring Republicans in Frankfort doing jobs the DemocRATS didn’t want to do. We wonder if Patsy will be calling the Attorney General on this one. Surely the new Governor’s gambling bid is dead on arrival in the Capitol, the DemocRATS in the House may pass it, but we’re sure all the Republicans will vote ‘No,” and the good Republicans in the Senate can and will kill it. Poor Ernest, he tried so hard.

~~ Patsy Crowley was on KET’s “This Week In Kentucky ” on Friday sporting a new haircut. He either went to Frankfort and forgot his Vitalis, or he may not have wanted the boys from the big city to think he was hick. Patsy looked a little intimidated by the boy’s from the big cities and really screwed up when he talked about the casino guy from Northern Kentucky who gave a all that money in the governor’s race to discredit Ernest. He also spoke about this person’s company being in financial trouble and that this person wanted to be rewarded by the new Governor with a casino license in Northern Kentucky . Now we know Patsy wanted to impress the guys from the big cities with his inside information, but somebody better tell Patsy that the only reason the Fourth Street Bridge was built back in the 50s was to throw guys like him off of it with a block around their neck. Patsy, this guy does business in New Jersey , what the fuck are you thinking?

~~ Word from our Blower Frankfort Reporter is that Patsy Crowley was unable to report any stories this week from Frankfort because most committee hearings dealt with the rapes, robberies, and murders committed by illegal immigrants, Patsy was reported saying over a beer in one of the local DemocRAT hangouts that Sunday’s Fishwrap whining about how poorly we treat the illegal immigrants sure has hampered his ability to report on what is happening. In a related story, Ken CamBoo said his Fishwrap used to arrive in the morning about 7AM, but since all those people cancelled their subscription, his paper is in the driveway at 6:20 every day. Ken said he is going to wait until the end of the month to cancel his subscription.

~~ Maybe Patsy Crowley should just hole up in his Morningview, KY cabin this weekend to watch the Super Bowl, drink some beer, and write more fantasy columns about the Democrat Dominatrix showing him some thin skin.

~~ There was more drama in the Mrs. Robinson affair this week: Was our Frankfort Femme Fatale rebuffed in her advances towards our young man? Did it result in a little hostility?

~~ Trooper Babe fans became alarmed when they saw that headline about an ex-trooper being indicted. It was just some guy in Tennessee who poisoned his girlfriend. However, Trooper Babe fans did get some good news when the Northern Kentucky Republican Lesbians and Transvestites endorsed Alecia What's-her-Name.

~~ Horny from Hebron said he thought he saw that same breast that appeared in the Blower earlier this week down at Main Strasse on Friday evening. He said with the wind chill it was puckered right about at the 10 degree mark. I was going to ask her if she knew Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, Horny left well enough alone, if you know what we mean.

~~ An over-taxed payer from Boone County wrote to say that the new DemocRAT Governor has told the President at NKU that to raise fees and tuition when people are suffering in a recession is the same as a tax increase. Boy it sure is nice to have a Conservative DemocRAT in the Governor’s Mansion like back in the good old days of the 70s.

~~ In a related story, a Political Science student from NKU said you can sure tell that this primary race may come down to Kentucky in May, because all the candidates are starting to advertise on local TV.

A Newport resident wrote the Blower to ask if gambling and prostitution returns to Northern Kentucky, will that mean all the guys in Newport will start wearing those weird looking checker colored sport coats again?

~~ It was reported in the Boone County Recorder, which will be the only local paper left when the Fishwrap goes under, reported that the new owner of a restaurant where several other restaurants have failed because no one in the courthouse can afford to go out for lunch due to the increase in the health and pension payments is complaining that there are not enough parking spaces in Burlington, even with the addition of the seven spots that are now available after the Judge fired those janitors.

~~ Could someone in the Burlington business community stop by with a dictionary and introduce him to the word RESEARCH?

Were featuring some truly inspirational stories about the waifs and urchins we claim to have helped in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, just so you'll believe we give a rat's ass.

Why don't we have a more traditional holiday guilt campaign like the rest of the news media? No charity made our publisher its president in exchange for free publicity and our endorsement, we don't have a fat weatherman turned radio talk-show host who was never actually convicted of beating up his girlfriend, and all the really good dead celebrities other than Harriet Beecher Stowe and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning have already been taken.

Poor Little Mikey Brown was a portly pantload from Indian Hill, who wanted to win the Punt, Pass, and Kick Competition to please his dad, who was a real football fanatic. Poor Little Mikey dreamed of standing at mid-field during halftime, where a stadium full of fans would cheer him, and everybody else at home would see him on TV.

So the Seediest Kids of All sent over some professional football coaches, who taught him everything they knew.

Unfortunately, at the Punt, Pass, and Kick Competition, Poor Little Mikey's punt went a total of six yards, he fumbled the ball attempting to pass, and he tripped over the tee when he tried to kick the ball. Maybe we shouldn't have sent over the Bungals coaching staff. At least he didn't embarrass himself in front of a stadium full of people, because the stands were empty, and since it was a Bungals home game, nobody saw it at home because as usual, the game was blacked out on TV.

The Brown family called to express their gratitude to for all our help, but it's really you they have to thank, because it's your guilt and tax dollars throughout the year which make it all possible.