~~ Maybe we could make all of today’s primary elections sound more important if we called today Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Tuesday. —Media Hypesters

~~ Hey everybody, if you gave twelve points and took New England in Sunday night’s Super Bowl, you lost big time! —Whistleblower Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall

~~ Even back in the 16th Century, Thomas Trusser knew “A fool and his money are soon parted.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

~~ Here’s why we’re all feeling super today: on Groundhog Day Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of snow scares. —Weather Pimps on TV

~~ Did you know the name of the place in Pennsylvania where that weather-guessing rodent sees his shadow is called “Gobbler’s Knob?” No kidding. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis

~~ Why did we give local NAALCP President Chris Smithermouth all that free publicity on Sunday’s front-page? We had to do something for Black History Month. —PC Fanatics at the Fishwrap

~~ Did you see last week when Channel 9’s Clyde Gray gave me my Profile in Courage Award during Black History Month for fleecing over-taxed payers with the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Unnagraown Ray roe Museum Freedom Center. —Ed Rigaud

~~ On this date in 1994, white supremacist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in the murder of African-American civil rights leader Medgar Evers 31 years earlier. Now that’s something worthy of celebration during Black History Month. —Hurley the Historian

~~ Is somebody questioning my honesty again when the Fishwrap reports how much money my over-paid foreclosure appraisers have donated to all of my unopposed campaigns? —Sheriff Simon Leis

~~ At Cincinnati’s big State of the City Address on Monday, I’m not sure, did I forget to explain how much my entire family’s “Public Service” is costing over-taxed payers? —Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory

~~ Do you think Gayvenor Strickland will be bragging how he’s really turned Ohio around at tomorrow’s big State of the State Speech tomorrow? —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders

~~ The greatest birthday present for me tomorrow would be if Temporary Party Boss George Vincent took my name off the Hamilton County RINO Party’s annual dinner on Friday. —Ronald Reagan’s Ghost

~~ Will “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman be endorsing me as his successor for his term-limited 34th House District seat in Columbus at tomorrow night’s meeting of the Anderson Township Republican Club? —“In Russ We Trust” Jackson

~~ With only 28 more days till Ohio’s 2008 Primary Elections on March 4, do you think any Republicans were outraged when they learned That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt had given me her one free ticket for last week’s State of the Union Address? —Devious DemocRAT David A. Pepper

~~ Hey, everybody—we only have four more weeks to go. When will somebody finally start running some attack ads? —Greedy TV Ad Salesmen

~~ Please remind your Congresswoman what I said about for Republicans to win back the majority in Congress they would first have to eliminate their pork barrel spending. —House Minority Leader John Boehner

~~ And do you think anybody suspects we’ve been sending the Blower all that dirt on Ditzy DemocRAT Icky Vicky Wulsin's (Millionaire-Indian Hill)? —Republican-turned DemocRAT Steve Black

~~ Our Kneepad Liberals in the Press can’t get over how I’m following The Blower’s example and not accepting contributions in my campaign for Clermont County Commissioner. —Archie “Bunker” Wilson

~~ It’s so tame this year, our “Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras” tape could turn out to be a real bust. —Mainstrasse Merchants

~~ We were even going to run a special “Mardi Gras” edition of our “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” Newsletter, but nothing happened. — Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders

~~ Did you know when you translate “Mardi Gras,” it means “Fat Mardi.” —Goof Doofus

~~ I keep dreaming about Mardi Gras Night at a casino. — Bluegrass Governor Steve BeShear

~~ I keep dreaming about our DemocRAT Dominatrix dressed only in beads. —Patsy Crowley

~~ Whenever I throw beads at slutty girls, they always throw them back. —Steve “Mini Me” Mergele

~~ Do you think they’ll be doing anything special for Mardi Gras at Golden Corral tonight? —Clueless Marc Wilson

~~ Did anybody fall down at Mardi Gras? I need to sue somebody. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters

~~ You can’t imagine how much drinking goes on at Mardi Gras. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan Cornbread” Smith

~~ Don’t forget BB&BJ Day on March 20. —Bobby Leach

~~ The best part about watching returns of tonight’s Super Tuesday Primary Elections will be the Budweiser commercials. —Channel 19 News

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