~~ Hurley the Historian says Ronald Reagan was born on this date in 1911. Reagan’s birthday is a High Holy Day for Conservatives, especially during these trying times, and Real Republicans are asking, “What would He do today?” One thing’s for sure, neither he nor Lincoln would be attending the Hamilton County RINO Party’s Odd Todd Opportune Day dinner on Friday. Which is why our Quote for Today Committee chose Reagan’s “Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”

~~ In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says now that Super Tuesday is finally over, and neither party has chosen its nominee, our Kneepad Liberals in the Press will be spending the next month trying to make the case that Ohio may still yet be relevant.

~~ CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says, “Did Cincinnati ’s Dainty DemocRAT Girly Man Public Service Mayor Mark Mallory really think anyone would actually believe his so-called State of the City address on Monday?” City on the move? Yeah, right. People can’t wait to move out. Crime down? Watch the news, man! Violent crime down? Watch the news, man! Business up? Watch the news man! Downtown rockin’? Watch the news, man, or just drive downtown at 4 PM. Maybe that’s why Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters says, “If the State of the City is so great, why then do we need more police officers and a bigger jail?”

~~ Speaking of other Front Page Black History Month Moments in the Fishwrap, Chris Smithermouth is still on his soap box. His current song and dance is for his NAALCP Annual Convention coming to town. Thanks to our Feckless Fishwrappers, he can tell himself he’s really important.

~~ Now here’s more about overpaid Failed Cincinnati Public $chools Treasurer Jonathan L. Boyd: In his previous employment in the Worthington Schools, north of Columbus, he refused to divulge any information about himself, including the public information he submitted for employment. As a result, a local newspaper sued Worthington and Boyd for the information and won the lawsuit. Among other things, it was found Boyd bragged about his “community service" as being in Delta Tau Delta fraternity and a volunteer years ago at a YWCA. When has membership in a private fraternity qualified as community service?” Would the Fishwrap ever think of suing the FCPS? More to come on Boyd's embellishments of his qualifications.

~~ Our Clermont Crusader says Archie "Bunker" Wilson a.k.a. " Small Township Archie" experienced a Super Monday last evening on the home turf of ethically challenged Commissioner Mary " Large Township " Walker . Our boy Archie, scored a major upset by overwhelmingly winning the endorsement of the Union Township Republican Club (Wilson - 19 votes, Walker - 8 votes and Humphrey - 4 votes). Even her friends and neighbors now realize that the ethical lapses of Commissioner Mary Walker are a clear and present danger to good government in Clermont County .

After this impressive victory, the local political pundits now all agree that " Small Township " Archie has emerged from the pack and now is the front runner in the Republican race to replace weeping Commissioner Mary Walker. What happened to Ed Humphrey last evening in Union Township ? Does this mean that his much publicized " Large Township " political clout is waning as we near March 4?

~~ Last week a Clermont County Mr. Ed supporter was quoted here saying Archie “Bunker” Wilson was nothing more than "Jean Schmidt with a dick." Perennial loser Ditzy DemocRAT Icky Vicky Wulsin (Millionaire-Indian Hill) called us to protest about that quote. Icky Vicky insists that SHE is "Jean Schmidt with a dick" and her counsel Charles F. Hollis III demands a dick retraction. Hey Hollis, try taking a dip in the Ohio River during February if you want to see a dick retraction.

~~ Whistleblower Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says, “Don’t you love it when Mike Brown says "We are only one or two players away from having a winning team?" What he fails to clarify is that he means “One or two players away per position.” This also means good coaches. Mike Brown loves 7-9 and 8-8 seasons. It means he can raise ticket prices and avoid those pesky playoffs.

~~ Doesn't it make you wonder when Mike "I Never Met a Dollar I Didn't Like” Brown says every time after I raise ticket prices the cost of Bungals tickets is ‘still in the lower third of the middle quadrant?” WTF does that mean? AND, which are the franchises who have lower ticket prices? Given the record and overall performance of the Bungals during the last 15 years, local ticket prices should be the lowest in the league!

~~ The "Triplets of Delhi " Lasita dad said he was grateful for tall the money from people donating at Biggs. He said he shops at Biggs all the time for "diapers." That’s funny, since P&G donated a lifetime supply of diapers when the second set of twins were born. It was plastered all over the news when they reported she “never took fertility drugs” and it was a zillion to one chance of having two sets of "natural triplets." A month later it was reported she had chatted on a website about taking fertility drugs and other moms remembered her story! Their church also gave them a huge check to "help out." Why in the world, after having one set of triplets you couldn't afford, would you take drugs to have more kids you cannot afford? There are also three grown kids in this mix.

You have to wonder if the folks at the University Club and Queen City Club expect the same treatment. And don’t overlook the Metropolitan Club in Northern Kentucky.

~~ Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says our FOR SALE governor took some $70,000 from gambling interests (according to Saturday’s Fishwrap) and now, he's promoting a state gambling proposal that will benefit (who else) one or more of the donors. Coincidence? We think not! Apparently he's only partly owned by the teachers union.

~~ With Patsy Crowley’s breaking the news of all that corruption in the new Governor’s office, surely with a few more hints from the Blower, he will be breaking the Mrs. Robinson story by next week. The Blower Frankfort correspondent thinks that maybe Patsy might already know Mrs. Robinson’s identity, because he’s been sporting a new mullet hairdo and wearing a big smile on his face lately.

~~ The Failed Plumber, Covington Public Works Director Jim Eggemeir has failed again. Following Covington City Mangler Jay Faucet's Monday staff meeting, Jay called Eggemeier into his office and told the Failed Plumber that he had 48 hours to resign or be fired. He was ordered to leave his City owned vehicle at City Hall and the assistant police chief, Spike Jones escorted him from City Hall. Later Monday afternoon, Eggemeir attempted to enter his office at the Public Works facility but was ordered from the property by another police officer. Faucet claims that the entire City Commission had authorized the dismissal because of poor management. City Hall sources tell Ken CamBoo that there is much more to this story since Faucet and the Covington City Commission would all have to resign if “poor management” was banned at Covington 's City Hall.

~~ One of Ken CamBoo’s snitches wants to know if the Northern Kentucky Chamber of Commerce would consider relocating to Williamstown where the Chamber could get all the pork they’re asking for, since Williamstown has a DemocRAT County Judge. NKU and Gateway may also want to move their headquarters to their branches in Williamstown for the same reason. And don’t be surprised if the casino goes to the racetrack at Gallatin County, since they also have a DemocRAT County Judge, and after all that illegal money was raised up here in Northern Kentucky, the new Governor surely will wants to wash his hands of that mess.

~~ A Kenton County voter would like to know if Will “The Thrill” Terwort would ask the lady he is challenging with two last names how in the hell she could let all these illegal immigrants into Kentucky on her watch as the head of Homeland Security. All she had to do was ask police officers how many times they stopped vehicles that were full of illegals, but were told to release them; how many wrecks did they respond to, even where even death occurred and nothing was done, or the illegals skipped bail because it was set at $200. Will, don’t let her off, without answering the tough questions. At the same time, you’d better be ready to catch hell from the officials who want Northern Kentucky to remain a sanctuary area.

~~ Have you seen that billboard which said “Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-555-3787.” Out of curiosity we did. A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

~~ Also in Covington, it seems like the Bamburglar did not file to run for re-election because the quiet word is they are going to give him the Recreation Director’s job since Denny Bowman retired to run and REPLACE Butch Callery as Mayor.

~~ The snooty folks of Ft. Thomas should be wondering what's up with the Police Department. Since the new chief took control he has successfully run off two police officers in almost as many months. This may seem like no big deal until you look at the history of the Ft. Thomas Police Department and see that before the current chief took over, it had been almost 15 years since an officer left Ft. Thomas to take a job somewhere else.

~~ In last week’s “Boone County Recorder” it was reported that at the ground breaking ceremony of the new 3,000 Sq Ft senior center at the YMCA, that Boone County Judge Defective Moore-or-Less proclaimed this building is for the seniors of Boone County who have voted the right way over the past few years. The $500,000 to build the dance hall was a grant, and next year he hopes to get a grant to pay for the utilities and, oh yes, rehiring the janitors to keep the place clean.

~~ Our Vanilla Hills Vigilante says if Senator “Beanball Jim” Bunning would spend half the effort trying to get federal funds to replace the Brent Spence bridge as he did for two years getting sonny boy David a federal judgeship appointment, we could build a federally funded bridge from Kyles Lane to Sharonville. Wake up, Beanball, Bitch, and Goof, What part of “ Federal Highway ” don’t you understand? They can put a tunnel under the English Channel quicker than these dingbats can hold a dozen meetings to talk about it! As Larry the Cable Guy would say, “We think it’s time to Git-R- Done!”

~~ Finally, from Trooper Steward, we have some of the things you should never ever say to a police office who has just pulled you over.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they were.

12. And when the Officer says 'Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with, 'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'