They must now believe in governmental action to achieve equal opportunity and equality for all, and that it is the duty of the State to alleviate social ills and to protect civil liberties and individual and human rights. They must consider that the role of the government is to guarantee that no one is in need and trust that people are basically good. These new DemocRATS must now accept the need for the government to solve people’s problems.

On the issue of abortion, Crossover Republicans must now agree that a fetus is not a human life and all women should be guaranteed the right to a safe and legal abortion, including a partial birth abortion. It says so right there in the DemocRATS’ version of The Constitution.

They must now support affirmative action because America is still a racist society, because minorities still lag behind whites in all statistical measurements of success. Also, the presence of minorities creates diversity and diversity is a wonderful thing.

They must be for abolishing the death penalty because it’s ‘cruel and unusual’ punishment.

They must favor a market system in which government regulates the economy, because we need a big government to protect us against big businesses.

In education, they must focus on more funding for our failed public schools and raising teachers’ salaries.

They must buy into Al Gore’s claptrap that in spite of a foot of snow on the ground and temperatures in the teens, the U.S. should enact laws to significantly reduce Global Warming.

Considering gun control, they must now believe that no individual has the right to own a gun, because guns kill people, especially children.

They must support universal government-supervised health care because there are millions of Americans who can’t afford health insurance. They are being deprived of a basic right to healthcare.

They must oppose Patriotism, as well as the Patriot Act.

They must support blanket amnesty for current illegal immigrants.

They must support the removal of all references to God in public and government spaces.

They must believe that all individuals, regardless of their sex, have the right to marry.

They must oppose any change to the current Social Security system, except to cap payments to the wealthy.

They must accept the need high taxes for social welfare programs, to provide for the poor. We can’t afford to cut taxes. We must support welfare to bring fairness to American economic life.

They must believe The U.S. should submit its national interests to the greater good (as defined by the UN).

They must claim the War in Iraq is Bush’s war for oil, Saddam Hussein was no real threat, and a democracy can’t succeed in Iraq because not everyone wants to live in a democracy.

They must declare 9/11 was caused by America ’s arrogant foreign policy. America needs to stop angering other countries and the threat posed by terrorism is exaggerated by President Bush for his own political advantage.

Finally, the must now believe members of the mainstream news media are fair-and-balanced.

We know all of this is going to take a lot of getting used to, so the DemocRAT National Committee has scheduled automatic telephone calls from Hillary and Obama to be made to all of those new crossover Republicans every night during the family dinner hour. Why not? It worked so well for last week’s primaries.