~~ Saturday Night Live’s opening skit was a parody commercial for the law offices of Spitzer & Associates, where “no case is too undignified.” How shameless would I be if I used it for my law practice? — Former Philandering Hamilton County Prosecutor Mike Allen (who resigned in disgrace)

~~ How many nominations did The Blower get in its “That Ho is $4,300 Hot” Contest? —Ashley Alexandra Dupré, better known as “Kristen”

~~ The latest Rasmussen survey in Ohio shows John McCain leading both Hillary and Obama by identical 46% to 40% margins. —National Political Analyst Britt Humus

~~ How timely would this zinger be from Ann Coulter: “Obama may be half-black and half- white, but the Clintons are half-white and half-trash?”—Quote for Today Committee

~~ All’s right in Ohio . The buzzards have returned to Hinckley . —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders

~~ Why weren’t there more Black Irish people marching in St. Patrick’s Day Parade? —NAALCP President Chris O’Smithermouth

~~ The best part of the St. Patrick's Day Parade was seeing Erin Go Bra-less. —Horny Hibernians

~~ You should see Scotty’s shillelagh.—Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory

~~ Did The Blower forget to mention that Palm Sunday was my favorite holiday? —Judge Mike Barrett (still keeping everything well in hand)

~~ What's the biggest difference between Black History Month and St. Patrick's Day? On St. Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish. —Bill Cunningham, WLW Hate Radio

~~ Is anybody complaining about why I chose Odd Todd Opportune to toss out the first pitch on Opening Day? —Senor Bob Castellini

~~ My bookie is giving 10-1 odds that Odd Todd is even more embarrassing that Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory was last year. —Pete Rose

~~ I wonder why I can't show my support for Devious DemoRAT Odd Todd Opportune without anyone noticing. — Former Republican Sharonville Mayor Virgil Lovitt

~~ On this date in 1852 Wells Fargo launched its nationwide express company, and one of these days, they may even open an office in Cincinnati . —Hurley the Historian

~~ The Tri-state may have been all green for St. Patrick’s Day, but in only 231 more days it’ll be turning “Blue” for the November Elections. —Determined DemocRATS

~~ It’s been almost a week since I resigned in disgrace. Notice any improvement? — Temporary Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent

~~ When I said I'd bring back party discipline, please don't ask me if I meant I'd discipline Republicans who endorse DemocRATS —Incoming local GOP Party Boss Judge Alex Triantafilou (pronounced Alex)

~~ You can take your party discipline and shove it. —Ghizzy Lizzy and Senile Sheriff Simon Leis

~~ Spring officially arrives in the tri-state when UC basketball fans are home watching the Kentucky Wildcats play on TV. —Ken CamBoo

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the Lane's End Stakes at Turfway Park. —Turfway Touts

~~ Spring doesn't usually arrive in Northern Kentucky until I start tossing back Bock beer chasers. But ah, it greets the lips like an old friend. —Michael Liquid Plummer

~~ Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until drunks sober up from St. Patrick’s Day. —Mainstrasse Bars

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky somebody gets arrested for embezzling. —Vanilla Hills Civic Club

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I've eaten all 437 boxes of my Girl Scout Cookies. —Clueless Marc Wilson

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I try out my new Spring probe. —The Murg

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until I get my Hummer polished, if you know what I mean. — Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until all Covington sex shops have their annual Spring sale. —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele and Will “The Thrill” Terwort

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you have sex with your first Spring sheep. —Gex "Rhymes With Sex" Williams

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people at least start thinking about paying their taxes. —Your Friends at the IRS

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you tickle a young man’s fancy. —Mrs. Robinson

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we fake our equinox orgasms. —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people are lined up for Opening Day Tickets to see the Florence Freedom. —Y'All Ville Mayor Blondie "I Thought You Guys at the Blower Forgot About Me" Whalen

~~ Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky till I celebrate BB&BJ Day on March 20. —Bobby Leach

~~ Spring doesn't officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we change all the clocks, right? —TV 19 News