~~ Ours is truly a scurrilous publication. It's not enough for us to say "mistakes were made." Often we were cowardly. Every issue may even have been libelous. (But not poorly written.) Sometimes we've been really tasteless, like that nude picture of TLPMOT&SRB Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt we've occasionally run. We hope we can make you believe us.

~~ The pain is so unbearable. We're filled with such utter remorse that words will never convey the depths of our anguish. Kneepad Liberals in the Press like the idiotorial board at the Feckless Fishwrap, as well as all those left-wing bloggers whacking off in their moms’ basements, were right. Ours is truly a "vitriolic rag!" We never should've called TV9’s Laure "Not So" Cleanlivin a news trollop, or else she might still be working there. Others we’ve recently helped send to the unemployment lines include WLW Hate Radio Roustabout Gary Burbank and Convicted Groundhog Murderer John Phillips, along with the entire staff and management of the ComPost. Oh, the humanity! No wonder we have trouble sleeping at night.

~~ We've been so insensitive. Every homosexual must really hate us. Even our Alternative Life-Style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis, too! Calling attention to Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory and the Mayor's big, beefy Black bodyguard (and Cincinnati Police Officer) Scotty Johnson was not politically correct. Helping Dainty become the laughingstock of the entire nation was piling on when he threw out the First Pitch at the Reds’ Opening Day last year. We should've been dragged kicking and screaming to sensitivity training along with the Ghost of Large Marge and WLW Hate Radio trash talker Bill Cunningham.

~~ We’ve been male chauvinist pigs. Criticizing Hillary just for lying about her claims that she had been under sniper fire in Bosnia was uncalled for, and reminding our readers about that time in 1996 when we reported that one of our local TV videographers was embedded in one of our local newsbimbos during a romantic getaway there, was unchivalrous indeed. It was almost as bad as calling Vicky Icky.

~~ Continuing to remind our readers how Hamilton County’s philandering former prosecutor "Merciful Mike" Allen called Boinking Becky into his office and begged her to show him her breasts so he could spill his seed all over the Great Seal of Ohio also made it look as if we really we're concerned about his feelings.

~~ Over the years, more than a few people say even some of Artis Conception's award-winning illustrations have been callous cartoonery.

~~ Publishing the confession of that guy who let slip how the Hawaiian Hottie Maya Ruin had earned her nickname in a Special Whistleblower’s Insiders Edition was ungentlemanly on our part, as well as his. Calling lovely little Amy Baker the Carroll’s live-in three-way-slut was gauche. Nominating Brenda Nesselroad Slaby (Rhymes with “Dead Baby”) for Clermont County Mother of the Year was uncaring because we ignored the feelings of Donna Trevino, Marcus Fiesel’s hideous birth mother.

~~ Saying all those other so-called journalists at the Morning Fishwrap were too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest to report the truth, just because they never reported on how TLPMOT&SRB Mean Jean's overpaid Chief-of-Staff/ Campaign Mangler Barry Bennett is still illegally running Mean Jean's continuous de-election campaign from our over-taxed payer funded Congressional/ Campaign offices has been— to say the least for the past several years— repetitious.

~~ With only 216 more days till the November Elections, continuing to criticize Rob "Fighting for Fame and Fortune" Portman for cutting-and-running from his responsibilities to his constituents and saddling them the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Ray roe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center as well as the most embarrassing elected official in Southwest Ohio history (including Jerry Springer), could even hurt his chances of being picked as John McCain’s vice presidential running mate.

~~ Continuing to call the City of Cincinnati the worst run the Worst Run City in America was not neighborly, and focusing on The Official 2008 Whistleblower/ Smith & Wesson/ TV Coroner Odell Owens Press Conference /Mark Mallory “Stop the Violence” Billboards/ David A. Pepper “Public Safety is My First Priority/ “JayWalking Joe” Deters “This Guy is Scum” Murder Count was tabloid journalism at its worst.

~~ Suggesting that Temporary Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent had sold out just because he supported Devious DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioners Odd Todd Opportune’s and David A. Pepper’s Super-sized $900 million Feel-Good-Social Programs Jail Tax Scam that would also include the GOP Sheriff Simon E. Leis Memorial Hoosegow), offended Republicans for Higher Taxes. Criticizing him for that sleazy, unprecedented, last-minute backroom deal he made with Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka to allow each other’s county-wide and judicial candidates to run unopposed and leave voters out in the cold one more time, was not bi-partisan. Questioning his motives for supporting less than loyal Republicans like Ghizzy Lizzy insulted Log Cabin Republicans. And hounding him from office because he made a deal not to oppose the Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor who jacked up everybody's property values when his "certifiable" re-appraisers did their drive-by inspections with their eyes closed was not being totally objective.

~~ Calling Mike DeWhine our Sniveling Senator just because that lying bastard never kept his campaign promise to give Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane that red flannel shirt he used to wear when he first ran for office made us look unforgiving.

~~ Waiting till Palm Sunday to say former GOP Party Boss "Masturbating Mike" Barrett had everything well in hand was in poor taste, especially since he’s now a Federal judge for life.

~~ You'd better believe it. This is the hardest e-dition we've ever had to write. When will we ever learn? All our jokes about making BB&BJ Day a National Holiday were just wishful thinking, especially every time former Pants-dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton comes to town for a sleazy fund-raiser for Hillary at Not-Yet-Indicted Disgraceful DemocRAT, Hearse-chasing Attorney $tan Che$ley’s mansion in Indian Hill. Reminding people how Judge Mr$. $tan Che$ley continues to break the law every time she takes her mangy mutts to the Federal courthouse so they can crap all over the floor was a harmful result of our obsession to point out all things obvious.

~~ Last of all, as the Official Voice of the Conservative Agenda, reminding Republicans how RINOs have not learned their lessons after the resounding rejection they received from the voters in November, accurately pointing out that not a single GOP candidate or so-called Conservative organization has been doing anything to correct their past mistakes, and predicting that Hamilton County, as well as the Buckeye State, will be turning Blue in 2008, has been excessive.

~~ When Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo didn’t attend the George Clooney’s big movie premier in Maysville last week, it showed great disrespect for Hollywood royalty.

~~ Continuing to promote Beloved Whistleblower Publish Charles Foster Kane’s part in that award-winning Flashlight Theatre Music Video was beyond shameless.

~~ Last of all, as the Official Voice of the Conservative Agenda. reminding Republicans how RINOs have not learned their lessons after the resounding rejection they received from the voters in November, accurately pointing out that not a single GOP candidate or so-called Conservative organization has been doing anything to correct their past mistakes, and predicting that Hamilton County, as well as the Buckeye State, will be turning Blue in 2008, has been excessive.

~~ Our Quote for Today Committee would like us to paraphrase movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn’s “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on,” and put our long-overdue apology in writing. Hurley the Historian says tomorrow’s date would be most fitting. Therefore, since tomorrow is the First Day of April 2008, we’re really sorry we have to apologize and we promise we'll never, ever write about any of these things again.

To be considered for an e-mail subscription to The Whistleblower Newswire, persons of consequence anywhere in the world may apply by e-mailing requests to whistleblower@cinci.rr.com.

Middle Aged Woman