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Weekly "Below the Beltway" Issue —
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Monday, May 12, 2008
Republicans in Rout Step
At Saturday’s Conservative Agenda Cookout, many of the political insiders were telling Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how the biggest problem for Republicans these days was the fact that Republicans had really taken their eyes off the ball.

Sure it’s been fun watching those Destructive DemocRATS tear their party apart, as Hillary and Obama keep dueling to the death for dysfunctional delegates. Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus
wonders if anything could possibly be any better than the way Hillary was skewered on Saturday Night Live for being a sore loser with no ethical standards, whose supporters are racists?Hurley the Historian says on this date in 2002, Dingbat DemocRAT Jimmy Carter embarrassed us all when he let Fidel Castro look down on him in Cuba . Republicans could have themselves a good laugh over that.

But earlier this week, The Blower’s own DC Newsbreaker in Washington had reported that according to CQ Politics, Republican Minority Leader John Boehner told his caucus behind closed doors on Tuesday that Americans won’t vote for Republicans until they fix their “brand” and convince voters they will fix Washington. So what did Boehner’s Republicans in the House do this week? They took a firm stand against Mother’s Day, of all things. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the stupidity!
That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Albert Einstein’s: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Writing about “Gloomy Republicans” for the Weekly Standard, Fred Barnes says there was good news this week after Conservatives won a sweeping victory in an enormously important election the week before last. Unfortunately, it happened in England . Now, here’s the bad news: Prospects for Republicans here at home in our November Elections look grim. Barnes says the political environment isn't as bad as it was in 2006 when Republicans lost both houses of Congress and a lot more. But it's close.
And writing in the magazine Human Events, Newt Gingrich called for a “complete overhaul” of the National Republican Campaign Committee and said GOP lawmakers needed a new message by Memorial Day. Newt says it’s time for real change to avoid real disaster. The message can’t get much clearer than that.
It’s just like what the Blower’s been saying almost every day ever since the 2006 Elections, when we empanelled a focus group to find out
why RINOs got exactly what they deserved at the polls, as well as the need for the GOP to come up with an action plan to correct those mistakes long before the 2008 Elections.
We even suggested a new 12-Step Program for Recovering Republicans called RINOs Anonymous, based on Alcoholics Anonymous, the original 12 Step-Model, whose members meet regularly to discuss their conditions, realizing they have an addiction, rather than just a bad habit, and recovery can occur by taking individual and relying on the will of a Higher Power while following the Twelve Steps.
Now here are the Twelve Steps as defined by RINOs Anonymous
1. We Pandering Politicians admit that we were powerless over raising taxes and spending, and that our lives have become unmanageable.
2. We Pathetic Politicos have now come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to fiscal responsibility.
3. We Larcenous Legislators made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Spirit of Ronald Reagan as we understand Him.
4. We Shameless Schemers made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. We Libelous Liars have admitted to Him, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We Paraphrasing Plagiarists are now entirely ready to have Him remove all these defects of our character.
7. We Greedy Grovelers now humbly asked Him to remove our all of our shortcomings.
8. We Mendacious Magistrates have made a list of all persons we had harmed, and we are willing to seek them out and make amends to them all.
9. We Terrible Trustees will make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We Prevaricating Pols will continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, we will promptly admit it.
11. We Disingenuous Dissemblers have sought through prayer and mediation to improve our conscious contact with the Spirit of Reagan, as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we Corrupt Congressmen will now try to carry this message to other Recovering Republicans, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. We swear it. So help us, Newt.

With only 176 more days till the November Elections, and eight more till the Primary Elections in Kentucky, you’d think local Republicans would have something better to do than laugh at the Divided DemocRATS and indulge in silly speculation about Rob “Fighting Furiously for Failed Legacies” Portman’s chances of becoming John McCain’s choice for Vice President.
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Now from the archives of award-winning photo-illustrator Artis Conception, we see the DemocRATS’ Dream.

RINOs ANONYMOUS HOT LINE
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