—Special “Official Flying Pig Marathon Results” E-dition — 

 

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Real e-Mails from Real Subscribers 

             Please stop reminding people that I told them to hold us to a higher standard, so we could give them a government to be proud of in Ohio again. — Depraved DemocRAT Attorney General Marc Dann

 

            We sent a letter to Marc Dann calling for him to step down or be impeached. —DemocRAT Gay-venor Gov. Ted Strickland, Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner, Treasurer Richard Cordray and Lt. Gov. Lee Fisher, as well as U.S. Sen. Sherrod Brown, Ohio House Minority Leader Joyce Beatty (D-Columbus), Ohio Senate Minority Leader Ray Miller (D-Columbus) and state DemocRAT Party Chairman Chris Redfern.

 

            Here’s a good one: Marc Dann says, “If Bill Clinton didn’t resign, why should I?” —Your Quote for Today Committee

 

            Isn’t it ironic? The Rascally Republicans are calling for him to resign, BUT they really don’t want him to. —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders

 

            Why isn’t The Whistleblower calling for Marc Dann to resign? Remember the Whistleblower Motto. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane

 

            Hey, Everybody, I’m available as a TV commentator for the Marc Dann sex scandal too. —Former Philandering Hamilton County Prosecutor Mike Allen (who resigned in disgrace)

 

            Marc Dann just called and asked me to be a character witness. —Quisling Charlie Luken

 

            Please don’t call me a pussy just because I won’t prosecute Marc Dann. — Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O’Brien

 

            I’ll take the case. — Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters

 

            Anybody who abuses the public trust by boinking the help on the public dime, should definitely resign.—Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer

 

            The Obama campaign is predicting today’s Hoosier Primary will end up just like the Kentucky Derby— Big Brown winning going away and the filly who comes in second will have to be put out of her misery. —Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus

 

            With only 182 more days till the November Elections, why would you expect me to support ANY federal gas tax holiday, when I voted for Boob Taft’s biggest gas tax hike in history? —That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt, still the most embarrassing elected official in Southwest Ohio history (including Jerry Springer)

 

            The way the Reds have been playing, maybe that small crowd of 3,502 people who showed up at our Matt Maupin Funeral Fiasco will turn out to be a Great American Ball Park attendance record for 2008 after all. —Reds Vice President of Ballpark Operations Declan Mullin, who promised a full house because the Reds bought into and were totally misled by the hype that Rob “Fighting Furiously for Failed Legacies” Portman was spreading that he would be able to bring in the President

 

            It’s been nine days and there are still 348 yellow ribbons tied to trees, bushes, and telephone poles on Route 32 from Newtown Road to Beechmont, and even though some of them are looking pretty ratty after the rain, we have absolutely no intention of taking them down. — Yellow Ribbon Exploitation Center

 

            Please don’t ask us which one we’ve exploited more, Murdered Marcus or Matt Maupin. —Kneepad Liberals in the Press

 

            Not that you’ll probably be reading too much about it in the Mainstream Media, but on this date in 1945 we were all celebrating our victory over the Nazis in Europe . —Hurley the Historian

 

            How many of your subscribers at the Hamilton County Courthouse are complaining that they didn’t see your story about the feisty female prosecutrix returning to the Major Case Squad, where in Hamilton County ’s War on Crime, the worst criminal offenders are persecuted? — Hamilton County ’s $75,619.18-a-year Computer Censor Greg Wandstrat (513-946-6454)

 

            Happy Cinco de Mayo, Gringos! Here’s something to his-panic about! All three presidential Candidates (Hillary, Obama, and McCain) support Amnesty for 12 million Illegal Immigrants. —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose

 

            For $2,300, you can always ask McCain about it at our Indian Hill fund-raiser next month. —John Barrett

 

            Remember, any candidate who doesn’t win after attending the Hamilton County GOP ’s First Annual RINO-free Campaign School last Saturday gets his money back. —Patrick Maloney, HC GOP Political Director

 

            I’ll be ready to speak to all those folks at tomorrow night’s Anderson Township GOP meeting as soon as “In Russ We Trust” Jackson finishes his brief introductory remarks. —Ben-Gal Becky

 

            In case you missed it, Friendly Fishwrapper Repeat Bronson wrote a nice piece about how I kicked Chris Bortz’s ass in last week’s Trolley Folly Debate at the Blue Chip Republicans meeting. —Chris Monzel

 

            When I heard those ragamuffins from “We Demand” were holding a “Red Light Camera” press conference on the City Hall steps, I sent my big burly Black body guard Scotty out to take pictures of them. — Cincinnati ’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory

 

            Today the League of Women Vipers reminds everybody our Official Whistleblower Bluegrass Primary Election Countdown Calendar says there are only 14 more days until the Bluegrass primary elections. —Ken CamBoo

 

            Just because Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and I were seen having lunch at Don Pablo’s on Cinco de Mayo, doesn’t mean we’re planning a Spanish Version of our Award-winning Flashlight Theatre Music Video. —Mischievous Mike Sadouskas

 

            I spent years getting chased and shot at trying to find irrefutable proof that would convince everybody that the Earth was under attack by beings from another planet. Now the Flashlight Theater gang stumbles onto a UFO landing site and suddenly they’re the experts? The truth is out there my ass! – Retired FBI agent Fox Mulder

 

            The funniest thing that happened when Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and I attended  the Royal Reception with The Queen at the Kentucky Derby last year was when Her Majesty asked her daughter-in-law, “Why the long face, Camilla?”—Linda Libel

 

             If there’d been a horse named “Call Me Crazy,” I’d have bet on him. —Eric Deters

 

            At the Civic Club, everybody was wondering where “Sticky Fingers” came in. —Vanilla Hills Vigilantes

 

            I really like it when jockeys use a whip. —DemocrAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob

 

            Never bet on “Short Leash,” he doesn’t finish. —Miss Vicki

 

            Did any of the jockeys ride bareback? —Jeni Lee Dinkel

 

            We like it when they mention us as they sing “My Old Kentucky Home.” —Gay Darkies

 

            We always favor a jockey who likes to come from behind. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis

 

            Didn’t everybody bet on Big Brown? —Turfway Touts

 

            Don’t forget Opening Day for my Y’All Ville baseball team is coming up in just a couple of weeks. —Mayor Blondie Whalen

 

            If yesterday’s Cinco de Mayo Fiesta got called off, would they have to hold the Mayo? —TV 19 News  

          

          Sometimes The Blower ridicules pervert prosecutors to show that having sex with ugly women when you have a loving wife at home is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an incurable pants-dropping philandering politician.

 

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Depraved DemocRAT Attorney General Marc Dann.   

 

MARC DANN HELP LINE

e-mail your messages of support today.

 

Links of the Day

Happy Cinco de Mayo

Hillary’s Obama Sex Fantasy

How’s this for prophetic?

 

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