<= /p>

— &nb= sp; S= pecial “How Cold Was It?” E-dition —

= Friday, January 16, 2009
Enough Global Warming Already

   &= nbsp;        Today&#= 8217;s edition of The Whistleblower is on a two-hour weather delay. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane didn’t have any trouble walking downstairs to our office in the basement Thursday morning; it’= ;s just that he decided to sleep in like the rest of the slackers. That’s because our Official Snow Policy states: Even when the Forrest Gump $kool District isn’t closed, and Mercy Health Plex is still open (but the Warm Water Therapy Pool is still closed for maintenance), The Blower will still be open for business. So while we’re all waiting for The Blower staff to process all of today’s snitches and bitches sent in by our readers, here’s some cold weather crap to warm the cockles of your heart, in y= ou know what we mean.<= /span>

<= o:p>

= ;           One of the guys found a new = use for duct tape. He put it across the bottom of his TV screen so he doesn’t have to watch all those school closings. Wouldn’t it be easier just to announce what’s still open? Or how just about flashing a message that says: “Everything’s closed. Stay home, Stupid!”

= ;           Do you think there was enoug= h snow hype in the news media? That commercial for Perfect North Slopes was really timely. Remember when th= at former TV weather guesser used to ask the young interns if they’d lik= e to help him measure his inches? Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today com= es from our good friend Bobby Leach, who says, “I remember one morning it was so cold, I woke up with nothing on but a thin girl.” And Bobby al= so says, “It doesn’t matter what the wind chill factor is outside,= I remember when Sasha used to be on TV12. She was one hot Mexican dish. Ole!”

= ;           Recently, The Blower explained the origin of R= 20;Colder than a witch’s tit” and “cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.” Today we’re sending one of reporters to Bond Hill to ask one of da= brothers how cold a motherfucker really is.   <= /b>

         &n= bsp; Why did they have to close all the schools anyway? It’s not because of the snow. It’s because of the lawyers. They don’t want to get sued = for a million dollars every time some little bastard slips on the ice, because = they couldn’t clear the student parking lot. =

= ;           Anderson Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says, R= 20;We never have to declare a snow emergency in our affluent community, because a= ll our township roads are heated.” Trustee Pouting Peggy Reis says she g= ot the last roll of toilet paper in Kroger’s at the Anderson Food Court. One of the Sheriff’s Department’s “Citizens on Patrol” reporte= d he saw a couple eating each other in one of the parked cars at the Food Court,= but snow flurries had only just started and he didn’t really think they w= ere cannibals.

   = ;         You can still get your own copy of “The Politically Incorrect Guide to Global Warming and Environmentalism” free (except for a paltry $3.95 for shipping and handling) if you join the Conservative Book Club.

   = ;         Duffy “The Doppler Slayer” Beischel says is God really being sued bec= ause of climate change. If you don’t believe it, read this= !

<= o:p>

   = ;         Since the local weather gurus say they have the highest rate of training and knowledge, why the hell are they so wrong all the time? Our sport's teams a= re losers; it’s no wonder our weather freaks are losers, too! Send those weather buffoons the bill for the 50 pounds of salt you poured on your driv= eway Thursday morning.

<= o:p>

        = ;    Finally, remember last week when Bunky Tadwell sent us a copy of his poem entitled “Winter” that simply said, “Jesus H. Christ, it’s cold out there! (The end)?” Well today, the Bard of Cleves has a fast four-liner about our climate:          <= /span>

   = ;            &n= bsp;        =

   = ;         They say there is Global Warming,

   = ;         But if I may be so crass;

   = ;         This friggin’ Global Warming,<= /span>

         =    Is really freezing my ass!

<= o:p>

Today's Whistleblower = is brought to you by a generous donation during our February fund-raising drive from Duke Energy, who says your next bill = ought to get you hot!

=

=

=

Transitional Analys= is

   = ;         One of our mean-spirited Republican Readers says, “I hope this arctic fre= eze stays over D.C. next week and they all freeze their asses off or catch pneu= monia like William Henry Harrison who died a month after the inauguration. If we could start this whole process over, think of the ones who would be gone: Barney Frank, Teddy Kennedy, Obama, Jean Schmidt, and the rest of the D.C. mess.

<= o:p>

   = ;         And here’s some advice for the 500,000 women who’ll be in line for a no-flush port-a-potty in D.C.: wear adult diapers like the astronauts.=

   = ;         =

   = ;         Our Angry Andersonian wants to know where is the ou= trage about the costs of the “historic” Coronation of His Excell= ency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadj, Doctor Barrack Hussein Obama Dada in only four more days. It will be the most expensive inauguration in history, costing over $= 150 million. Certainly if a Republican were being sworn in the Liberals would be screaming about how all that money could be used to help the poor, provide vaccines in Africa, etc. For Liberals, i= t's the end of the world when big bucks are spent for the inauguration of any Republican, but it’s business as usual and entirely justified when ev= en more is spent on a coronation of the most liberal president in our nation's history. You can't accuse the left of hypocrisy though, since as we should = all know, only Conservatives can be hypocrites. Do the expenses for the big par= ty include the relocation costs of the homeless? They were probably rounded up= and bused to somewhere in Virgini= a! Many articles have appeared that point out how Obama is using Abraham Linco= ln as a model. Let’s see if the Messiah comes close to the 12 times that Lincoln mentioned “God” in his Second Inaugural Address. We’= ;ll be counting.

<= o:p>

   = ;         In Washington, our DC Newsbreaker brings us a live report of Congress debating adding an elaborate dance to Obama's Coronation Ceremony.

<= o:p>

        = ;    And with only a few more hours to go until the dawning of the New Age, and their MoveOn.org Inaugural Bash at the Camargo Country Club, we find our Obsessive Compulsive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose applying the finishing touch= es. “Oh Tom, isn’t it so wonderful that soon-to-be President Barack Hussein Obama plans to announce he is closing the evil GITMO house of tortu= re on the same day he takes back America?” “It is Rose. And it giv= es me a great idea. Why, when those poor detainees are released you know they = will end up all over the world. Everyone could play a game trying to find where = they are! Won’t that be so cool? Let’s download a world map!” “Tom, that’s a great idea. Let’s call the game WHERE IN T= HE WORLD IS KALID SHEIK MUSTAFA?”

<= o:p>

   = ;         Maybe it’ll be like Jay Leno said on Late Night TV: “A spokesman for Obama says that the prisoners at Guantanamo will either be returned to their own countries or entered into the New York City cab drivers program.̶= 1;

   = ;         And just in time for the Obamanation, MoveOn.Org is selling Obama Mouse Pads for a mere $18.99, plus who knows how much for shipping and handling.

<= o:p>

   = ;         Finally, from our friend Larry in Yorkt= own, Virginia, we ha= ve a sampling of some of those other 63.5 million dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span voters who voted for the Messiah. =

=

=

=

=

=

Outraged in Ohio<= /st1:State>

        = ;    In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says, Gayvenor Strickland is a former minister, and somehow= he hired a guy to head his Office of Faith-Based Initiatives who was involved = in gay prostitution, just like Barney Frank did.

<= o:p>

   = ;         “Can you imagine the howling if Boob Taft had hired Robert Eric McFadden, who was the director of Gayvenor Strickland's Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives until his transfer to another state j= ob in fall 2007?”

<= o:p>

   = ;         Wait a minute… didn’t the Gayvenor hire = a guy in his Congressional office who was arrested for exposing himself to childr= en? And he brought that same guy on a personal trip to Italy? Back then, the FishWrap called Buckwheat Blackwell’s bringing = that point up in the campaign “ugly.” Perhaps Jon Craig, the author of this anti-Blackwell hit piece, can follow up on this when he retu= rns from his Gannett-mandated “furlough.” Jonny Boy could also look into Strickland’s pattern of excusing pedophilia by refusing to = vote to condemn a pro-pedophilia article in the American Psychological Associati= on journal. You can refre= sh your memories here. With a male-prostitute staffer, a sex-offender for= mer staffer and travel buddy, and voting with NAMBLA, now you know why Strickland has earned his Official Whistleblower nickname: “Gayvenor!”

<= o:p>

   = ;         After all that “culture of corruption crap,” and complaints about vet= ting people, you might have expected Dishonest DemocRATs to try to do a better job themselves. With the news media putting its fangs away to welcome a DemocRAT in the White H= ouse, switching from attack dog to lapdog, D-RATS from the level of block captain= on up know that they don’t have to even pretend to have standards anymor= e.

   = ;         =

   = ;         Speaking of the Furloughed Fishwrappers, Just Wondering = in Cleves asks if The Blower now plans to start calling the Fishwrap something else, since thes= e days there hasn’t been enough paper to wrap your fish.

<= o:p>

   = ;         Speaking of Media Hypocrisy, here’s another “name that party” slip-up by our good buddy Bill Sloat’s former employers at the Pain Dealer:&nb= sp; Every time a Republican has a problem, they manage to call him a Republican= 8 to 10 times and somehow manage to tie the guy in with Tom Noe or Jack Abramoff and note that they were Republican fund-raisers. One = of the crooks named in Pain Dealer article is the chairman of one of the two m= ajor political parties. Guess which one?

<= o:p>

   = ;         And speaking of outrages in Ohio, wait till you learn who finally depa= rting Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett is supporting for Republican National Committee Chairman. We wonder who Boob’s hand-picked replacement Kevin DeWussie will be supporting when all those spineless members of the Central Committee rubber stamp his so-called “election” today.

<= o:p>

   = ;         So let's see: so far the promotional images of Loser Lobbyist Portman's campai= gn are a golden lamb (like when he sacrificed once-red Hamilton County to That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch M= ean Jean Hoffman Schmidt), a bronze bun (like the buns Hamilton County RINO Par= ty Boss Alex Triantafilou can't seem to get in gear at 700 Walnut Street), and= a rib (like the rib $tan Che$ley took from the Ha= milton County Republican Party to make RINOs). Inspiri= ng work of biblical proportions, Rob! Who's your campaign manager - John McCai= n?

<= o:p>

   = ;         And did the Pain Dealer really report that at his photo op at a Cleveland shopp= ing mall, Portman gave a shout out to Lebron James (“I’m glad to be here in the home of the first place Cavaliers.) And was the reporter doing Portman a big favor, when he pointed out in the = very next sentence that James campaigned for Democratic President-elect Barack Obama.

<= o:p>

   = ;         The “Second Comment” on that story was particularly interesting, when the wri= ter asked what Portman was doing for that $1 million a year, he’s reporte= dly getting from the Squire, Sanders & Dempsey law firm, or was that just an early down payment.

<= o:p>

   = ;         And did Devious DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner Odd Todd Opportune have the unmitigated chutzpah to complain a= bout Portman’s “coronation” in the Fishwr= ap, when Skaggie Maggie’s minions have been &= #8220;coronating Obama every day for the last year and a ha= lf? The mind boggles!

<= o:p>

   = ;         And it looks like Thursday’s Toledo Blade picked up on the signing of the buns... something The Blower covered the day before. Of course if Fritz Wenzel were still covering Polit= ics for the Blade, they might not have been scooped by The Blower!<= /o:p>

<= o:p>

   = ;         Our Clermont = County Crusader wonders if Our Bitch-in-a-Ditch is delusional enough to think that if Portman would ever became a Senator, could she get to be his hand-picked successor there, too.= So why, in Carrie Whitaker’s Fishwrap articl= e on Thursday about all those suck-ups endorsing Portman, was our Bitch-in-the-Ditch’s name not included?

<= o:p>

   = ;         CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says not only do you have to worry about paying = your jacked-up property taxes by Ground Hog’s Day, our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor (who was permitted to run uno= pposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street) also says if= you don’t renew your dog licenses on time, they’ll publish your nam= e in the newspaper for that offense too. Who cares if your dog died or ran off l= ast year?

<= o:p>

   = ;         Friday Fault Finder Tito Delgato says going to a Bungals game can be a lot of fun. A good tailgate and= an exciting game add to the experience. However it seems each year there are m= ore and more opponents’ fans present at the stadium. When Pittsburgh and Cleveland play in Cincinnati the stands are lined with th= ese “exuberant” fans. Thanks to EBay, Stub Hub, Brokers and now fans giving up there Seat Licenses this trend will get even worse. As the Bungals continue to plummet I see a day when the opponents’ fans outnumber the Bungals fan= s. Sitting amongst those fans is NOT a fun experience, especially during anoth= er loss. As the seat License has turned out to be a bad investment many Bengals fans are looking for their Bail Out. Go Figure!!!

<= o:p>

   = ;         Finally, word is The Learning Channel is planning to debut a tasteless new series on February 1 called “Mother Knows Sex.” You’ll never guess which Whistleblower Femme Fatale is the star of the show.

<= !--[if gte vml 1]> = ;

<= o:p>

Bluegrass Babes

        = ;    Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says wonders if anyone finds both these articles in the paper at the same t= ime a bit ironic. The first story says “While some states struggle with getting a "highly qualified" teacher in every class, Kentucky ranks a= mong the best.” The second story reported how Dayton High School<= /st1:PlaceType> Teacher Nicole Elizabeth Howell invited a 16-year-old pupil to her MainStrasse home for alcoholic drinks and a little pr= ivate tutoring; in you know what we mean. We can hardly imagine what’ll be = the lead item in Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders award winning e-newsletter next week. The Robster says, “I didn’t know Jeni Lee Dinkel had wanabees.” <= /b>

<= /o:p>

        = ;    Speaking of every high-school boy’s fantasy: KyPolitics.Org reports that Republican cir= cles have been buzzing recently with the news that their ranks might again be bolstered by a Kentucky sports icon. Sources say that former U= niversity of Kentucky footbal= l star Tim Couch is mulling a run for public office as a member of the GOP. Even better than being a sports icon, the guy is married to the 1999 Playboy Playmate of the Year, and nine years later, she’s still quite a babe.=

  &= nbsp;         Speaking of which, does anybody know where form= er KY Governor Paul Pattin’ Her-on-the-Ass is l= iving these days?

<= o:p>

   = ;         Ken Cam Boo says he sure hopes Judge No Moore in 2010 showed up for the Executi= ve Committee Meeting in Boone County Thursday night, because all leaders shoul= d be at the battle when a war is going on. If the leader does not show up to lead the troops, they may abandon their posts. In a related story, word at the restaurants around the courthouse in Burlington is that the DemocRATS in Boone County are forming a group to oppose Judge No Moore in 2010, just = to show the Judge that you should never say bad things about the D-RATS and th= en ask for their votes.

<= o:p>

   = ;         Horny from Hebron wrote to say “No wonder the Fishwrap is in trouble.” In the Thursday edition the front page headlines read “Kentucky ranks among the elite at getting the best in the classroom” next to that read “Teacher accused of abuse” H= orny said when he went to school, teachers were so mean, no one would have sex w= ith them, and now they’re ranking them on how good they are. <= /span>

<= o:p>

  =           Finally, Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1920, Prohibition took effect, and tonight, Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith wi= ll have a few toddies for their bodies to celebrate, and our Quote for Today Committee chose George Burns’ “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

=

Stories We're Worki= ng On

  Bush says “I’m outta here!”

Using an Obameter= to track campaign promises

  P&G to supply free Charmin for Obama’s Coronation

All the free ribs you can eat at Portman’s Boathouse rally

Boob Bennett stabs Buckwheat Blackwell= in the back

  Still more people out of work

Not to worry, Obama’s Coronation= is coming in only 4 more days

<= o:p>

= ;

<= o:p>

Whistleblower Web Poll

   = ;         This week, here's what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Obama will do immediately after his “historic” swearing-in ceremony in only 4 more days:

  = (A) Balance the Budget: 2%

  = (B) Revive the Economy: 1%

  = (C) Achieve world peace: 3%

  = (D) Kick off his re-election campaign: 94%

   = ;         Note: Everything we= write doesn't have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it's just so much more fun that way!

= ;

=

Our Long National Nightmare is About to Begin

        = ;    This week, everybody who says those 63.5 million dumbe= d-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span voters who voted for the Messiah, could be = in for a rude awakening, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

<= o:p>

   = ;         The winner is not= ed push pollster Harley Barber, founder of the noted Barber Poll, who says, “Send me lots of money and I’ll tell you what you want to hear.”

<= o:p>

   = ;         Harley wins a “You Can Fool Some of the People All of the Time” T-shirt, a list of 1,001 misleading questions you can ask dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span registered voters, a list of everybody’s cell phone numbers, so people can actually be reached when they’re having dinner a restaurant. And speaking of restaurants, Harley gets a big doggie bag so he can carry all t= hose left-over free ribs from Rob Portman’s BFD announcement at the Boat H= ouse Thursday Night. His winning entry is:

  =           With Obama and the Dems in control

   = ;         You might as well sign up for the dole

   = ;         If you work for a living

   = ;         To the poor you'll be giving

   = ;         And grabbing your dough is the goal

<= o:p>

   = ;         With Obama and the Dems in control

   = ;         Socialism will be on a roll=

   = ;         First we'll have FOCA<= /o:p>

   = ;         Then hate crimes they'll broker

   = ;         For the "rights" of perverts we must extol.

   = ;         With Obama and the Dems in control

   = ;         The Commies will finally choke our soul.

   = ;         Will any RINOs object

   = ;         And our core values select?=

   = ;         No, they’ll just take an opinion poll.

=

          And from= the Anderson Laureate we have another Obama-basher:

   = ;         With Obama and the Dems in control

   = ;         Your money will disappear down a black hole

   = ;         We'll have free abortions

   = ;         And the po' will receive their portions

   = ;         Maybe the rest of us can get in on the dole.

<= o:p>

   = ;         The first line of next week's Limerick Contest:

   = ;         “The best part about Obama’s Coronation”

=

GLOBAL WARMING HOT L= INE

e-mail your Al Gore predictions today.

= Some vile-and-disgus= ting items in today's Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. =

To be considered fo= r an e-mail subscription to The Whistleblower Newswire, persons of consequence anywhere in the world may apply by e-mailing requests to<= i> whistleblower@cinci.rr.com<= /span>.

=

Link of the Day

= Achmed, the Dead Terrorist

The Special Whistleb= lower Insiders E-dition is by invitation only.

  &nbs= p;

  &nbs= p;       The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of t= he mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call = The Fishwrap.

And to check out som= e of the latest videos

submitted= , see what those politically incorrect folks at = “Not the Fishwrap” are doing. = ;

=

Note: people who wo= rk in government offices should be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed payers’ time (except when you have something= to snitch).

Remember: you can s= till be offended by the Blower on the Internet at

The Cincinnatus Standard

= ;