— <= /strong>Special “<= span style=3D'font-family:Arial'>Winning Isn’t Everything̶= 1; E-dition —

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= Saturday, January 3, 2009

Our Not-Ready-for-a-BCS-Bowl Bearcats

        = ;    Yesterday everybody was amazed that our UC Bearcats Football team got their clock cleaned after all that local media hype about= all those idiots going to Miami. How bad did the Bearcats look? Even the Bungals could’ve beaten them.= We bet that was a long bus ride home. Maybe that’s why our Quote for Tod= ay Committee chose the Vince Lombardi’s “Winning isn’t everything; but the will to win is everything.”

=             Spoiled Sport Tino Delgato says former NBA player Charles Barkley and admitted terrible golfer was arrested for drunk driving. He told the police= he was in a hurry to get sex. John Daly noted PGA Golfer has been suspended for six months from the PGA for his drunken behavior. Both actions happen= ed this week. There is rumor of a new reality show staring these two duffers. = It will be taped on a golf course and be titled “In Search of ball washers.” Go Figure!!!

=             Wouldn’t it be funny if Thursday night, a copy editor at the Fishwrap was editing the story about that Frostbite 5-Mile Run, and noticed Jean Schmidt's time seemed really fast. She checked the other times again a= nd realized that Schmidt's time was FASTER THAN THE WINNER'S!!! The copy editor called reporter, who said, "I'm sure that's what she told me." Reporter said she'd double-check her notes. A little later, the reporter ca= lled the editor back and said she played her TAPE of her post-race interviews, a= nd Schmidt did indeed tell her that was her time. Why do you think The Blower calls Ohio’s embarrassing Second District Congresswoman “That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Hoffman Schmidt?”

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   = ;         Local Demo-Labor Party Boss = Tim Burka says the local D-RATS are making a big to-do about swearing in ceremo= nies for Connie “The Pillager” today (She slammed “Virg the Scourge”), Bailiff-Turned-County Recorder Wayne Coates (whose daughter”inherited” his job in Judge Berry’s court) and O= dd Todd Opportune on Wednesday (for running unopposed, thanks to that disgrace= ful deal with the Hamilton County RINO Party).

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   = ;         Now check out this bizarre O= bama Inaugural Invitation. Tom and = Rose would be in bedroom heaven.

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   = ;         Speaking of whom, when we last left our Obsessive Compulsive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose, Tom was desperately upse= t by the ridiculous rules . . . aka The US Constitution . . . t= hat were responsible for delaying the celebration of our historic “Obamamas” until January 20 in only 17 <= /b>more days. When Tom was still inconsolable even after his latte and scone, Rose asked their spiritual adviser to pay a visit. Ms. Louise Deepak-Chopra led the couple in meditation on the joys of this Solstice Season and petitioned the spirits of Timothy Leary and Eleanor Roosevelt to comfort = Tom and Rose during their time of great need.

=             Recent electric failures in and around Anderson Ferry Road in Delhi can be attributed to God's wrath.= It seems one of the Delhesians was trying to annoy his Republican wife. At the dinner table, instead of saying the standard, west side, Catholic blessing,= the husband jokingly thanked and praised Obama. The lights promptly went out. F= or three hours. Duke blames a broken wire on a transformer. The wife says "you better watch your back. God is not pleased...”

=             Did Cincinnati City Clown-cilwoman Laketa Cole really use her over-taxed payer funded city clown-cil e-mail to invite everybody she knew to pay $20 a ticket just to watch her in some “Black Nativity Play?” That makes sense. Obama’s the “Messiah.”

=             Closing out a busy 2008, Republicans for Higher= Taxes awarded Deputy Sheriff Mikal Steers their 2008 Deputy Tax Hiker of the Year&nbs= p;for his tireless work to push for Jail Tax hike #3. They wish to poi= nt out that Steers receives a "deputy" tax hiker award so as not to diminish the original 2008 Tax Hiker of the Year award won by the deserving Virg "the Scourge" Lovitt. And we would have to agree, Virgil Lovitt worked hard to win his tax hiker award and deserves to keep that honor for himself= .

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   = ;         At the same time, Bungals Coach Marvin Lewis gave RINO Party Boss Alex Triantafilou (pronounced “I’ve Been Blogging Till I’m Blu= e in the Face”) his “2008 Great Job Award.” =

   = ;         Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated, a= nd we’re all still waiting for “In Russ We Trust” Jack= son to nail the Still Red Anderson Township Republican Club’s suggestions= to help lead the Hamilton County RINO Party out of what one reporter calls “The Wilderness” on the door at 700 Walnut Street.

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   = ;         Now we wonder what kind of award those Republicans for Higher Taxes will be giv= ing the tax-and-spend Forrest Gump $chool Board for their decision to put a humongous tax hike on the May ballot.

=             Meanwhile in Columbus, Buckeye Bur= eau Chief Gerry Manders says if you want to read more about the most ethical administration in Ohio’s history, read this Inspector General’s Report about the Ohio Department of Transportation.

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   = ;         Finally, rabble-rousers at Cit= izens Against Joe Deters were all be= nt out of shape after they read that Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters had sold the previously unsold portion of his soul to Gre= edy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley. Charles Foster Kane was glad = that his old lunch buddy has found some part time work, since there’ve bee= n so few complaints lately for the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team to handl= e. All of which will probably be discussed at our Beloved Publisher’s Surprise Birthday Party next week.<= /o:p>



Bluegrass Blasters &nbs= p;

   = ;         Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo was reports that Kenton County's final body count for 2008 is 4. What was Hamilton County's?! Ken says there were three murderers responsible for the 4 bodies:

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   = ;         Aaron Allen is accused of killing a 3 month old baby (#1). He is the = only accused murderer who didn't save the over-taxed payers the expense of a tri= al by killing himself. Allen is currently enjoying Terry "The Smili= ng Jailer" Carl's award winning correctional cuisine atop the Kenton County Detention Center while awaiting his March trial date.

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   = ;         Seward Padilla killed his wife (#2) and daughter (#3), set his house on fire, and shot at the responding police and firemen, before killing himself.

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   = ;         And just squeaking in before the New Year, John Decker shot his estranged w= ife in the head on December 30, then stole her car, drove to his house, and kil= led himself before the SWAT team kicked the door down. =

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   = ;         Coincidentally, Kenton County's final homicide of 2007 also occurred on December 30, so superstitious Bluegrass Blower readers should stay indoors and avoid estranged spouses on that date in 2009!

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   = ;         The CamBoozler was also very happy to read in the Thursday edition of the Boone County Fishwrap titled “ Budget troubles local legislators” that the new State Senator from Boone County John Schickel stated that they will have to prioritize spending in Frankfort. Ken said he was puzzled by Schickel’s statement in the last paragraph of the article in which Schickel stated that the economic stimulus package from soon-to-be President Obama could help the area.

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   = ;         Ken said this tells him that Schickel spent too much time at Christmas Party’s with Boone County Judge No Moore in 2010 and Secretary of Sta= te Trey Grayson and his wife who works for Vision 2015 and have asked their friends from the old Clinton White House if they could have a bailout pleas= e, and build them their soccer complex so the children of Boone County will ha= ve a complex within a 45-minute drive from their home.

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   = ;         Ken said Schickel may want to confer with Senator Demon Nay Thayer, Senator BeanBall Jim Bunning and Senile Senator Bitch McConnell who all understand = that 70% of the American electorate do not want more over-taxed payers’ mo= ney to fund old WPA projects like those that caused the Great Depression.<= /o:p>

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   = ;         The Fishwrap must be in worse shape then originally thought, because in the Friday’s edition Patsy Crowley finally admitted that the governor has asked all those who suck from public teats to help him convince the 70% of = Kentucky Over-ta= xed Payers that we need a tax increase on cigarettes. Ken said if someone comes knocking on your door or calls you on the phone asking you to call your legislator to help our fat ass kids from starving, just ask them which government teat they suck from.

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   = ;         In a related story, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane met wi= th Northern Kentucky Political Insiders a meeting to discuss the possibility of asking Senator Demon Nay Thayer to introduce a bill in the legislature that would replace the word “Department” with the word “Teat” when describing the various sections of government being sucked dry by these various groups.

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POST HOLIDAY DEPRESSIONS HOT LINE

e-mail us something today if you still give a crap

Link of the Day

= Uncle Fred talks about the economy<= /b>

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Some Holiday Spirit = items in today's Blower were sent in by our equally Holida= y Spirited Subscribers.

To be considered for an e-mail subscription to The Whistleblower Newswire, persons of consequence anywhere= in the world may apply by e-mailing requests to whistleblower@cinci.rr.com.=

  &nbs= p;       The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of t= he mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call = The Fishwrap.

And to check out som= e of the latest videos

submitted, see what = those politically incorrect folks at = “Not the Fishwrap” are doing. <= /p>
=

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Note: people who wo= rk in government offices should be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed payers’ time (except when you have something= to snitch).

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<= span style=3D'font-size:18.0pt;font-family:Arial'>The Cincinnatus Standard